ChickyLove.

313.

2010-07-22T04:13:00.002-04:00

Day 6 - Stranger.

Strangers can be all around you, even the people you think you know. I guess what I'm saying is, you really will never know some one no matter how honest they are with you. They really could be some one completely different than what you believed. I guess we all have our moments. I put up a hard front so people don't know that I'm really soft heart-ed and vulnerable. I don't like for people to see that side of me, you know. I wonder how others are? Are they truly who they make there selves out to be. I'm afraid they will be different. But different isn't always bad, It can be some good in it. I just don't want the negative instead of the positive. Eh but just be true to you and that's all that matters. I'd post more but I'm so beat. Good night.

312.

2010-07-20T23:31:00.000-04:00

Day 5 — Your dreams

Dreams, Everyone has them. Some peoples are bigger than others. Some one might want to be a super star some one else might want to just be able to be a mother or maybe a father, but in the end everyone no matter who they are will want happiness. But me, I have my own dreams, I want happiness amongst other things, like being successful and going to school so i can further my education. I use to dream about being my psychology teachers replacement, but honestly I don't know anymore. I want to work with children, maybe a child social worker. I would like to do that. I just don't think I want to teach anymore. I just need to be smart, and well educated. I don't want to be dumb like others and be lost in the world because I didn't go and get my education. You know? I do know who I want my future to be with tho. That is the one thing I'm absolutely sure of. I want that, and a little small family, maybe one or two kids. A successful couple, and marriage. But you know the future is never always promised. So I will continue to work hard every day, until I get what I want. You should always do the same. May your dreams come true. <3

311.

2010-07-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

My wonderful brothers & sisters. <3
I have five by my birth mother Shelly. Three sisters and one brother, Amanda, Ashley, Erica, And Joey. I come between Ashley and Erica. Than there are My siblings from my mom and dad. There are two girls and three boys, Sherry, Davie, Jamie, Robbie, and Sami Jo. I come between Robbie and Sami Jo. Jamie and Sami Jo belong to My Dad and Mom. But the other three belong to my Dad with other woman, my Mom raised Davie tho so she claims him as he own and always will. My sisters are amazing, three of them have children and so do three of my brothers. So I've been blessed with five nephews and five nieces. Well blood wise and raised wise they are all my brothers and sisters and I love them all dearly. They all mean the world to me. Then there's N'dya, she's not related to me in anyway but she means just as much to me as any of them. N'dya has helped me through so much, we've been drifting apart latley and that hurts. I guess we are just starting to change and just to busy for one another or something. I don't know what it is, but I miss my sister. She will always be a sister to me and I will always love her. I love every one of my sisters and brothers. I don't know what I'd do with out them some times. Thanks for everything. I love you.

310

2010-07-19T00:46:00.000-04:00

Day 3 — Your Parents.

Oh my.. My parents are something else. Let me give you a little history first. The woman that gave birth to me her name is Shelly, The woman that raised me Her name is Tracey. When Shelly had me she dumped me off at my Grandmothers after I had got out of the hospital, I was premature so I had to stay in the hospital for a good amount of time. My Grandmother than gave me to my Aunt Tracey because my Grandmother was already raising two of Shelly's kids. So I call Shelly by her name and I call Tracey Mom because that's who I was raised to call mom and who was honestly my mother and will always be no matter what Shelly says. So your probably wondering about my Dad too huh? Well I call Tracey's Husband Sampson Dad because he raised me like his own daughter. My birth father his name is Tony. I've only met him about three times my whole life, and from what I've been told he is back in jail. He's got some real serious issues. Easily put the man is a psycho path. He's killed people and hurt others, done drugs, and so much more. I've chosen to not really have him in my life now since that I've become of age. Before I had no choice tho, my family didn't tell me who my father was, and most are still in denial about it. Shelly is the only one who told me Tony was my actual father. I love all four of my parents, but honestly I love Tracey and Sampson more. They raised me and took care of me. With out them I don't know where I would of been or who would of been my parent's or even if I would of had any. I've always felt like a burden to some people tho, I wasn't there responsibility but they made me it, and I'm so grateful I had them in my life. They don't know how much they mean to me. I know I don't always get along with them or any one else at times but who does? Every one fights with there family. Mine just happen to be a little more dysfunctional. At times I wish I could understand why Shelly chose to have so many kids and not raise any of them. She did have my sister Erica for a long period of time but she eventually dumped her off with my Grandmother too. I did live with my Grandmother and Granddad for a long time too tho. I would have to go to live with them during the week for school and my Mom and Dad on weekend and holidays, plus summer vacation. So you can pretty much say my Granddad and Grandmother was my mom and dad too I just didn't call them that. My other two sisters did call them that at times tho. I know I did some too, just not like they did mine was mostly slip ups or because I got so use to them saying it I would just say it too. I'm very grateful for my family. I don't know where i would be with out them that's the God's honest truth, because I know there are people out there with out one and never had one before. I feel so awful for those people and the children who are abandoned. I would like to adopt one one day, but not like those celebrities that adopt kids from over seas. I want to adopt a child born here that needs and want's a family. I just want to do the same for a child that my aunt and uncle did for me. I see it like this, you don't have to give birth to a child or be it's biological parents to be the child's Mom or Dad. It's about loving them and caring for them no matter what, to make sure they are always safe and always looked out for, plus to be encouraged so that they can become anything in the world they want. I want to thank my Mom and Dad for everything they've ever done for me, I owe them my life. I love you.

308.

2010-07-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

Day 2 — Your Crush

Hmmm, my crush? What is there to tell you about him? He's amazing, talented, smart, funny, and a spazz, but I love him. So would he be my crush still? He would have to be because he's the only one who's got my attention. I love Kevin. It was so strange how we connected and how we are connected still. I had just swore off relationships and all of that mess a month right before I met him. I was never looking for love, and I didn't want it at the time. I really just wanted to be free, but things come in the weirdest ways. We had started talking one night in late August and we have been talking ever since. There was a week where we didn't talk because he turned his phone off and that made me so upset. I hated not being able to talk to him. It was so weird how some one I didn't even know had my attention so much to the point I forgot about every one else I was involved with. He still has me like that, I crave his attention now. I hate when we don't talk even if it's just for a few hours. He means so much to me. I never thought some one could have this type of effect on my life. I've loved and cared about other people but this love and connection just isn't the same as I had with others. I wish I could understand it better, or that even he could, because he's still stumped as well. I had a dream one time that we had a family. It had freaked me out at first, but now I could honestly say I'd like that. I know we would fit perfect together. I'm scared to lose Kevin tho. I don't like long distance relationships but that's what me and him would be. I don't want the distance to ruin it. It's so precious to me and honestly because of how deep things have got I'm afraid of what it could actually do to me if I did lose him. But that's the negative things, what about the positive ones? He makes me the happiest person in the world. He completes me in ways no one else ever has. I do plan to spend the rest of my life with him. Yea, so what I'm young but I know it's him I want my future with. I love spending every night on the phone with him when he's off and texting him all night when he's not. I love that are connection is so deep we can feel how the other one is feeling. He always knows when something's not right and I can always feel the same from him. I know my feelings can really mess him up. I'm just happy he can deal with them, because I know so many others wouldn't want too. He has his moments too tho where they really mess me up. But as soon as we talk and we talk about what's wrong we bounce right back, even if the problem has nothing to do with us. He's the most amazing person in my life. I couldn't live with out him. I honestly know I want him forever and I'm willing to do anything to have that. I love you Kevin. <3

307

2010-07-17T00:28:00.000-04:00

Okay so Jaime has inspired me to do the 30 day blog like she has, this shall be interesting. If you would like to do it, I'll give you the list.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

This is a complicated subject for me. Honestly I don't know if I have a full 100% complete best friend. I have many close friends that I trust for the most part that I let in just enough to be comfortable with. So honestly I don't think I could say that I have one. That's sad isn't it? Well we all deal with different things certain ways. I don't trust people so I don't let them in enough to be vulnerable with. Only person I've been almost completely vulnerable with is Kevin, But is he my best friend? I don't think so, not quiet yet anyways. I know right now that I just have friends that I'm very close with, but my definition of a best friend is more than just some one I can talk to. It's someone I completely trust with everything including my life, and that can do the same with me. Some one I can call at 4 am and know that they will talk to me no matter what the situation might be, or how ridiculous it may be in the end. Some one that I can be completly honest with and they would never tell a soul about the things I've spoken to them about. There are much more qualities to me about being a best friend, and who ever I decided to be best friends with I would have to be theirs too. Maybe I'm asking to much of some one. But if I want something that precious I don't want to have to lower my standards for anyone, no matter who they are or what they might do. I deserve the best out of some one and so does the next person, so if your lowering your standards for anything, a friend, a lover, a husband/wife, or what ever the case might be your ignorant. Point blank.

306.

2010-07-15T03:30:00.002-04:00

First I want to acknowledge the fact I just redid my blog and music. Enjoy!
I know the image has nothing to do with the music, but I preferred this one more.

I was messaged the other day by a friend of mine. I adore him, and he knows this, but I felt I needed to address it. He's one of the most amazing people I have met in my life so far. I will never forget about the time he helped me when my grandfather was passing away. He was so kind and understanding. I needed that the most then. It seemed like every one else I depended on walked away or like they didn't even care. I know I've wrote about him in other blogs, but this isn't those blogs. Well, anyways I just wanted Jay to really know I appreciate him. He's been in my life since around mid - 2005, a long time huh? I wonder if he remembers that. I just know he knew and was friends with a lot of the same guys I was, so we clicked from there. He told me the other night I was going to be his P.A crazy huh? That's a lot of responsibilities but I know I can handle anything. I have to and it has to be done right! I'll always be by your side and embrace you when ever I can. I just want you to know that I care about you deeply, your music, and what your doing. It means a lot to me. I honestly think you can change hip hop. <3

This passage was on his blog well Tumblr. I just wanted to post it for you so you could read why I decided to do this blog, but it was well over do.

I have few people in my life that I know who have held me down through thick and thin. Those people will be good for life, especially Stephanie. She’s a real gem. I don’t know where I’d be without her support. She loves every piece of music I make. It’s really inspiring, you know? I sometimes make music with her in mind because I know if no one else feels me or believes in my talent, she will. I don’t sit down and tell her how much she means to me much. I just hope that she gets it. I hope that she knows that I won’t have to come back for her, because she’ll be right there with me enjoying the high life. I’ll never forget that woman. Nor will I forget anyone else.

But here is the link so you can read all of the post, I just took the part about me.

http://cestlaculture.tumblr.com/post/800885140/adams-fact-50-i-dont-forget-a-single-person

I wanted to blog so much more, but I'm just so tired, and aggravated with so much that I just have nothing else to say.....

305.

2010-06-04T17:07:00.001-04:00

Hmphhh haven't blogged in for ever. But I'm blog now from this itouch :) it has an app yayyyy :) I'm on the phone with my love, he makes me extremely happy. We have our ups and downs but I don't know what i'd do with out him at times. -blushes- he wants to sample me on a beat. Sexyyyy ;) lol oh my hes spazzing lol let me tend to him. I'll edit this more later :)

304.

2010-05-18T02:18:00.002-04:00

I keep asking what to do and I keep asking god to help me. But I don't see the signs he's giving me, if he's giving me any. I wish I understood all of this, I wish it was easy. I'm tired of having to fight and put so much work into it to not have what I want. What else do I have to do? I mean honestly, I've treated you the best out of any one in your life and it's just not enough to make you see, that you should be with me. Even if you say I'm right. I'm not, because your not going change anything. I keep saying if we are made for each other it will happen. I think I'm just try to stop putting in so much effort, maybe that would be the best thing to do. I'll still call and wake you up for work and talk to you when you talk to me. But I'm starting to feel it's best you have your space, you don't need me to drown you, and honestly I think that's what I'm doing now. You might have a kid to think about, to raise, to love. I think I'll just get in the way... It hurts knowing the one person you love and want to be with isn't sure they want to be with you. I know you say you love me and one day you'd want us to be married, but honestly i don't know if one day is enough. I'm tired. Sometimes I hold my breath and don't tell you things because it's best to just not bring it up than to cry my eyes out trying to explain to you how I feel. I'm use to holding things in and not opening up to people. It's killing me to keep this such a secrete at times, I don't want to be anymore. I want US and I'm tired of waiting, this waiting game isn't getting me any where, we may never even happen in the end. You keep telling me your afraid to lose me, but I don't even have you to lose, no matter what you say. I keep telling you I'm not going anywhere and I'll always be by your side, but I wonder what my actual breaking point is. We have almost Nine months invested into this, are we still worth it? Your never going to be able to see me now, especially if the baby is yours. Just the other day you said you was making plans because the longer you wait the more chance something could happen. I'm so tired of going in circles, I know I should wait us out to see where we go. But I've asked myself do I stay because I actually enjoy the pain, because that's what I'm use too. You just text me, and I feel like I'm just pulling away, you still have feelings for her it seems. I know I'm your outlet but some times the things you say just rip me apart, like being mad at your mom for talking about her... why does it even matter anymore... yes, she might be your baby's mother but you said you didn't want anything to do with her... Sometimes it's so hard to believe the things you say. I honestly want to believe every word you say, but I think you just tell me what I want to hear at times... I think I'm just causing more problems than solving them. ugh and the fact your going to go see her Thursday to talk to her about the baby situation. What if you two work things out, honestly where does that leave us? I don't know what to think anymore, I'm breaking apart. I feel like a part of me is dieing , and my soul and other half is being taking from me... Please just see it's me....

303

2010-04-28T14:48:00.001-04:00

So, I haven't blogged since the tenth. eh. I been going through some issues as you seen from previous blogs with some one. Things aren't any better honestly, some days I feel like things are wonderful and we are really making progress. Other days like this passed week I feel like we aren't getting any where and I should just give up, that it's just not worth it anymore. That I'm fighting just to hurt myself in the end, that nothing will play out like we've talked about. Is it worth it? Should I just leave? Can I hurt Him? Will I even be able to accept causing him the pain, if I do leave? Should I just stay? Deal with all of it? Fight for it? Accept the pain I'm causing myself so in the end I might get what I want? Every relationship comes with sacrifices, but is this one worth all the damage it can and has caused me? But it's to late to turn back. No matter what choices I make from here and on it will hurt me to a point of no return. Is the numbness what I need again? I'll always over come the damage, no matter the scar it may leave. This is so difficult, I've been in some fucked up situations before, but I've never felt this way. I've loved but not loved like this, to the point I'd give everything up and make drastic changes in my life for that one person. I've never put myself out there the way I have with him. I love hard, and this is the hardest I've ever loved..... his beat just came on and my first tear dropped... Some days I've tried to distance myself, but soon as my phone goes off I'm answering the call, the text, and any other messages. I can't push myself away from him, tho I feel he does it to me. Ever since last week when he read about the evil side of my astrology sign it feels like hes pushed away. That the bad side of me scares him to a point of escaping. I still can't get over him asking me if I'd keep him around as a pet. Why even think that, was my sign that bad? I know some times his paranoia gets the best of him. But I'd never do him wrong, I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt him. I try my best to never cause him any type of pain. I try to treat him the way I'd want to be treated, put him above myself just so I know he's happy. But is that where I'm wrong, they say when you treat some one so good they don't appreciate it and they take it for granted. He tells me he appreciates everything, but at times that makes me feel that he's leaving, the good byes at the end of the day, or the phone calls make it feel like that's the last time we will ever speak. I know some times it's possible because we never know what's going to happen. God could take either one of us at any given time. They say you don't know what you had tell it's gone, should I show him what it would be like with out me? Would it even effect him? It would crush a part of me to be with out him, I wouldn't want him to do that to me, but is that what he needs a taste of? I know I could never do that tho, it would be awful to even try to attempt to leave. I honestly don't think I'm strong enough to do it anymore anyways. Maybe I should just talk to him, when he speaks to me. That I shouldn't text him when ever I want to speak, but that's not fair for me to not be able to talk to him when I need him, that it's only convenient for him to speak to me when he feels the need to. ugh. I know he tells me other wise, he always says to call or text him if have something on my mind, but I always feel like I'm a burden that I should just leave him alone. I don't know what to do yet, I'll continue to try to figure it out, tho I've been trying to figure it out over the past eight months......
GOD HELP ME!!

ANYWAYS.

I got a new tattoo on April 22nd

Amor Vincit Omnia

It means Love Conquers All in Latin. Don't judge me. I took Latin for two years in high school, I didn't just get some random language on me I didn't know anything about. I wanted the tattoo since 10th grade, just got the balls to do it tho. I'll probably have to get it recolored. I tried to get it in a respectable place. Not exactly my chest, because that's trashy to me. I thought above my heart would fit nicely. The words mean a lot to me, not about love for a significant other, but my love for God and the life he gives me, my passions, my family, my friends, and anything else I'll ever love that has saved me from my own demons and the ones around me.

hmm that's all I have to share with you for this blog, maybe my next blog will be more positive. -shrugs- Not every day can be sunshine, I take every day as it comes.

Peace & Love.

302

2010-04-10T05:00:00.002-04:00

I'm thinking of new tattoo ideas,
pretty successful for the most part.
It's 5 am and I can't sleep.
I've been meaning to blog for ever now,
I just don't have anything great to say.
I'm confused and lost with how and where things are going with me and him.
I love him, but is all this worth it still? I don't know, honestly.
I'm upset, and aggravated.
I'm sick as fuck and have been for the past week.
FUCK!

I'm suppose to be going out tonight, BLAH!
We will see, I think I will get high.
Weed FTW!

But until I have something to tell you.
FML!

Pax Et Amor!

301.

2010-03-20T02:39:00.001-04:00

okay i need to blog, and lets talk about me. why not? huh? lol.
but lets see i've changed a lot of the past few years. physically especially.
i've lost 85lbs but i still got some more to go, like i want to be 175.
hopefully i will be that small by next march i'll give myself a year.
but i know these pics aren't the best and yes you can't see my face
but that's because i had my hair pinned up lol.

Mentally i'm not the same. i use to be dead. i use to not want to live anymore. i never wanted to accept it when it was happening and i hid it from every one. but i've accepted it, but don't worry i want to live now. there are a lot of things i want out of life and need now. i just hope i get some of them and make them happen in the future. I kinda have to thank some one for that to because they helped me over the past months. i'm so grateful for what they have done for me, and what they do every day.

i really don't know what to really blog about, i'm texting him tell he gets off then going to sleep a while when he gets in. tomorrow i'm suppose to be going shopping with my mother and them, so eh we will see. um that's it tho for real.

peace & love.

300

2010-03-12T19:45:00.001-05:00

First and foremost i'd like to say i'm so excited that this is my 300th blog
i've had this blog since 3/30/08 and it has been a long almost two years

okay so my last blog was very negative. i want to be positive in this one with how i feel about him. he truely is amazing, he does make me happy. i know things are hard, but on our good days i'm the happiest person in the world. the other night was amazing and i wish every night this week was like it. he gives me butter fly's, and he makes my heart flutter. every time he says i love you i swear my heart skips a beat. plus when he blows me kisses it takes my breath away. i get the best emotions when we talk to one another. he always knows how to get to me. i blush super hard when he says the sweet things. i swear i've never been so red in my life. lol. he means the world to me. i love when he tells me about the dreams he has of us. i love having similar dreams of me and him. I did have one dream i have been so stuck on for the longest time now, and it has really consumed a lot of my though processes. i think that may be another reason i'm so stuck on him, because that dream is honestly what i want. i'm actually talking to him now and he's a little aggravated by his brother and sister, but i plan on changing that mood, because it slightly is effecting me i just snapped on mom. lol. i'm need to make him smile. which isn't hard at all, i know everything to say to make him go from mad/upset to ecstatic, and i love it.

i will edit this i'm not done.

[-edit]

okay back to talking about him, because he truly is my favorite subject, i don't really have any one to talk about him too, so why not just do it in my blog, i mean really no one really reads this shit anyways, so i can yap all i want about my heart <3 he'd be surprised because he doesn't read these or the regular unless i give him the link to see something i had said, which isn't often. -shrugs- we had an amazing week for the most part. he's spoiled me every night but one this week with us being on the phone and for hours. ive missed our long talks like that, they always mean so much to me. i was a wreck one night tho i'm not going to lie. we was talking about some things that was very sensitive for me to talk about so i was crying. lol. tho this isn't easy i do still love it, and i do love him.

okay enough about him, lets talk about my weekend, well Saturday. Saturday was a great day, i'm not going to lie. i got up and got ready, my sister in law and them came over. they told me we was going to Richmond so i had to get dressed, threw my hair up and some jeans white tee and hoody and dipped. fuck it i don't fuck with people down there much anyways other than Derrick, so the fuck i'm care what they think i appear as. lol. But anyways we went to Richmond to watch the MMA fights, my cousin was suppose to fight, but his bitch ass bailed out lmaoo. whack fuck. but i seen the dude he was suppose to fight he was big as fuck my brother is 6'0 and came to his shoulder. i think dude was either 6'5 or 6'7. The other fights where amazing, two dudes got they arm snapped, but eh they brought that on themselves. Snap Or Tap Babyyyyyyy. One really pissed me off, dude who's arm got snapped mom got up in the cage and cussed out the other fighter, and they was booing him. First Off, dude should of tapped, period. Second off, The referee should been right there and stopped the shit. Third off, they had no reason to do those things to the other fighter. that shit made me so mad i was flipping the fuck out. shit wasn't even right, to go off on the other fighter, they should of made her apologize to him. But the night went smoothly i wish one of the fighters would of won his fight, but he did good. he's 4-1 now. lol. but after we left there i came home fell asleep for a while than called him for a while then fell back asleep. eh good night. Today was great too, tonight i'm little shook up. but it went well. I hope this week goes okay, i know its not going to be as great as this past week tho.

i hope you all like my 300th blog, i was going to do something a little more special and post previous blogs, but my net is slow as fuck and won't let me go through all of them so you can see my favorite posts and such, but eh. oh well. <3

peace & love. <3333333

299.

2010-03-08T01:36:00.000-05:00

so hes not coming to see me. but i understand why, if was reversed i would of done the same he's doing. tho i guess its best that way. we would of just got closer. i would of gave him all of me, and i don't know if it would of been worth it. i don't know how this is going to end. i ask god for answers. i know i'm not very religious, but i'm religious enough, tho i don't get them. i know i want to spend the rest of my life with him. but i know it may not happen, can i deal with that? i don't think i can. i've never wanted to be with some one so bad, to just want my future with that one person, to only need that one person, to only crave that one person. i'm not use to this. i use to be on some other pimp shit. A big charmer and flirt. i cant even stand to be hit on now a days. it's so ridiculous. i just laugh at them niggas. i use to play with that shit. but i couldn't even do that to him. i can't even look at another guy. at the same time i don't know how much more of this i can handle. it's killing me, the anxiety, the chest pains, the tears, the stress, the wondering, can i continue to take it? i just can't see myself with out him. i've become so dependent on him. i never let people get this close to me, but i've let him in. why? i have no idea. i liked him before i knew his actual name, before i seen his face, before i had heard his voice, before i even knew what he was truly like. i was so drawn to him, with the first message we had. he's become my everything and i think its killing me. there's time i can't breath and i feel like i'm ripping apart and i can't stop the tears. i know he gets all these feelings because i get his and they really eat away at me, and i hate it. i can't go with out him for more than an hour or so, or i start to feel out of my damn mind. i can only deal with it when i sleep so i try to sleep all the damn time now. especially if he has class, but then there's times i can't sleep because i know it bothers him when we don't talk too. so we take a nap together every day he works then i call and wake him up. ugh but i still don't know how much of this i can handle. i truly do want to spend the rest of my life with this man. i just keep thinking i'm use to pain and this is nothing, but i feel like my hearts being ripped from my chest, and my soul is being taken from me. god please help me.

298

2010-03-02T01:36:00.001-05:00

hmm okay. i want to blog. but i really have nothing to say.
my weekend is going to be amazing and Monday is going to be better.
im so going to love and cherish next week.
<3

he's going to kill me if he sees this post with his lyrics. lol
but still. i had to. lol.

You mean curves, Oh those I have observed
A moment of silence they shook up my world
Then cause me to lose more nuts than squirrels
but were i dug i left something in the borrow
baby i got you i'll treat your body thorough

Talking to you gives me infinite pleasure
what ever this is i hope it last forever
you were my inspiration to fill up these blank measures
who knew through CS i stumble across a treasure
that a corrupted.mind would in fact help me get better
with convo and acts that keep warm like a sweater
she houses my thoughts so shes kinda like my shelter

lol
i love him.
he's so cute when he raps to me.
<3

March 8th = one of the best days of my life.

A - Available: Technically yes, but my heart belongs to someone.
B - Best Friend: I'm not so sure anymore..
C - Color of Your Room: White =]
D - Dad’s Name: Uhhhh it's complicated.
E- Easiest Person To Talk To: Kevin
F - Favorite Food: Baked Mac N Cheese or Baked Ziti
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: Neither, Sour Patch Kids.
H - Hometown: Front Royal
I - Instrument: Never Played One.
J - Job: Looking...
K - Kids: Not yet.
L - Longest Car Ride: hmm Probably 5 hours.
N - Number Of Siblings: Nine.
O - One Wish: Happiness.
P - Phobias: Bees & Needles
Q - Favorite Quote: All I see and dream of is success, I can't even think of nothing less
S - Song You Last Heard: Faded - Drake
U - Unknown Fact About Me: I love hard.
V - Vegetable: Green Beans
W - Worst Habits: Procrastination, Caring to much.
X - X-Rays You’ve Had: Brain, Ankle, Back, & Chest.
Y - Your Favorite Pastime: The Times with My Granddad
Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

297.

2010-02-27T20:23:00.001-05:00

new image, new songs.
new blog.
same chick.

Melanie Fiona, I think she's beautiful. I love her music.

I was going to do Alicia Keys, but Andre said hes going to work on my image later.
Which is perfectly fine, I'm in no rush for it, so she will go on here whenever.

I have a fight to go too March 6th, I'm excited.
I hope my brother wins.
I wish he could go with me to it.
Maybe another time.

9 days and I will be complete. <3
I can't wait to see him.
Tho I know its going to be so hard to see him leave when he does.
But he said we can make some videos, and take lots of pictures.
Maybe I will even be able to put them on my blog.
Who knows.
-shrugs-

People think I'm ignorant. I'm stupid to be going down this road with him, but you don't know what the connection is like. I've gotten so much bull shit from a few of my friends. I've tried to talk to them about it and the go off on me. Saying I'm making bad decisions and not speaking to me, this and that to the 5th. But I have to make my own choices, you can't do it for me. If I get hurt in the end, then it's my fault. But I can't bare to cause him pain in any way or form. I love him with all my heart, and I always will. He completes me, no one else ever has. He understands my pain, he knows how to get to my brain. He feels my emotions and knows exactly what to say, just like I know when hes out of whack too. Anyways your suppose to be my friends and support me, and be there for me to fall back on to when I'm hurt, not try to make me change my choices. But it's fine, I won't come to you when I get hurt or when things are bothering me. I'll keep it all in. I know how to deal with my pain. I always have been able to anyways. But I'll still support you, because that's what good, real friends do. Not all my friends are this way tho, I have a few that like to know, how things are. Like Nicole, Jonnathan, N'dya, and Farhiya, especially her. I've talked to her about everything. The other two friends I spoke to want me to leave him alone... but Farhiya says she looks up to my strength to go through all of this. I appreciate the few that do care about it all. Things aren't easy, but nothing ever is for me.

I hate when people come in and out of my life, especially my ex's. If you want to be around than be around, don't come in and out and insult me when ever you do. Maybe your just coming around because I moved on and you want to remind me how we was. Well that's my past and so are you. We can be friends in the future but nothing else. I wish you would just act right when you come around and I wouldn't mind as much. People these days are so out of hand it's ridiculous. smh.

Um....that's all for now...

Peace & Love.

296.

2010-02-21T06:19:00.001-05:00

Soul Mates?

soul mate:
–noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity.

do you believe in them? i know i do.
we all have our own opinion on them.
but i believe when you find that one person, you will know.

here's a little info about the three that can come into your life
i did take this off a site i will, post that link so you can read more if you like.

Level One: Your mirrored image – These are a rare example. However, it is possible that they do exist in each of our lives at one point or another. We might have one or two in a lifetime from this category, if we are lucky! What makes them special? Soul Mates of this sort come into our life in a fast, weird and unexpected way. The situations and events in our lives begin to change of their own accord, in order to accommodate the arrival and the reunion of both Souls. In such a case such as this, it is can almost be said that it is 'written in the stars!' Both Souls have to be ready for each other, as I did explain before it is not enough to sustain the relationship at its full potential, only by existing as Soul Mates. This level is the strongest and most powerful type of Soul Mates. They do have many similar interests and share an almost equal interest in their life direction. They will think alike, and in many cases will be able to continue speaking a sentence where the other one has left off. They are a mirror of each other, although they do not have to be exactly the same. However, each one compliments the other with their individual strengths and weaknesses and they will understand each other by being on same 'wavelength'.

Level Two: Your Supporter – Soul Mates of this sort are everywhere around you. Try to take deeper look at the people who surround you. Just look around when you are in dire need of help or guidance in a 'life or death' situation or at a time when you have a heavy burden on your shoulders. Who is around you and ready to listen to you when you really need their assistance? Think of the people who bring you comfort and peace when you need it, or who answer your call when you need some help. These types of Soul Mates do have unconditional love towards each other which can sometimes be difficult to comprehend. Is there someone in your life, of whom, you can relate to being there in that fashion?

Level Three: Your Provider – We encounter these types of Soul Mates in situations that might feel 'weird' or perhaps in some un-expected places. We like to refer to them, sometimes, as being our angels. If they occur, they usually will not stay in our lives for a great length of time. You might come across a Soul Mate of this kind when you are just wondering along the street, thinking away to yourself and from nowhere someone will provide with you a small message that will open up a possible answer to those 'thoughts' you have upon a certain circumstance in your life. These Soul Mates are placed on your path 'out of the blue' and we might never see their face again! We then carry on, feeling blessed at having had them in our life at that necessary moment. Their role is to provide us with an answer or a push toward making a small decision in order to keep us moving in our lives and struggles at that time. Can you relate to such an occurrence in your life?

http://www.enotalone.com/article/2534.html

comment with how you feel.
please, and thank you.

♥

295.

2010-02-12T18:41:00.000-05:00

Secretes. Are any of them about you?

okay so me and Jaime both did a blog like this, she had talk to me about it and i had agreed to doing it, some of it may be about you, and some of it may not have anything to do with you, if you ask me about it and it is i will tell you, but if not. than keep it moving.

1. I wish god never took you away.

2. So much time and so much energy I put into you but it was just heart break for both of us, I'm sorry.

3. I'd give up everything, just so we could be together.

4. Your jealousy issue is why you ended our friendship, But I still care about you.

5. You really do complete me, and I love you.

6. Six years I have known you and now you don't even speak to me anymore, I use to be your only supporter.

7. I hate your with her, you said I was your other half.

8. You only want to talk to me when it's convenient for you. I hate that, because we only talk every three months.

9. I want to have that dream again, where I had your son.

10. Your such a dick to me, but our history is so bitter sweet.

11. I shouldn't feel your feelings. Your like a million miles away, but I still know when something is wrong.

12. I hate that you dislike him, because of what is going on with us.

13. You have no reason to be jealous. period. Your my best friend.

14. I hate that I'm not always a great friend to you, we've been friends since I was 14.

15. You seem to only want to talk now when it's about you, It seems you hate hearing about me and what I go through

16. I wish you could get over me and move on with your life.

17. I'm glad I helped you improve to be a better person.

18. I'm sorry I leaded you on.

19. Your the best thing that's happened to me since my grandfather passed away, that was the hardest time in my life.

20. I cry everyday about our situation, but there is nothing I can do to change it.

21. I hate how you lied on and about me, you should of minded your own business.

22. Your an amazing friend, I'm sorry It seems like I'm distant at time, but there's things I just can't tell you anymore.

23. I want you to be my first and only, for everything.

24. I really can't wait tell we get our matching tattoos. I'm jealous you got his first.

25. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, I'm just afraid it won't happen.

26. You say you love me, but I think your just confused. You don't even know me.

27. You got scared when I told you about the ring I wear, I thought it was cute.

28. Your jealousy and selfishness is a turn on to me. I love your flaws.

29. Your amazing, but we just met, I need to get to know you more.

30. Your my sister, but lately it feels like your a stranger.

31. Distance and Time by Alicia Keys reminds me of us.

32. I wish you could get over your self so you could make her happy.

33. I hate that you know him, I wish he never talked to you.

34. The way you like to fight with me on twitter is so childish.

35. You mean a lot to me, I have told you so much lately. You've become one of my closest friends.

i might edit this, or make a new one another day...
but for now that's all...
kthnx.

294.

2010-02-03T03:40:00.003-05:00

so i want to talk to myself and god in this blog, you don't have to read it i'd probably rather you not i just need to get some things off my chest that have really been bothering me so it's best you just move forward thanks.

so lately things have been really hard, my family is really having problems and my sister in law and brother are really getting into it, all they do is fight. she's so sick with cancer and all he does is worry about his hobby he sits in this green chair all day long on his computer and phone and he will not talk to except on face-book and they live in the same house, how could you treat some one that way, and emotionally your cheating on her with some other girl you go run to and talk to what the hell is wrong with you, the mother of your child is laying in her bed sick and hurting and your out doing dumb shit, not coming home and drinking and driving, what if something happens to her, what are you going to do? your son isn't going to know what to do if he loses his mother, what if something would happen to you what would happen then? who would get him, mom? or her parents? maybe the state? i swear this shit hurts me. you saying she turned your family against you just because your mother is disappointed in what your doing. shes my best friend i love her like an actual sister and a best friend, it seems like i'm the only friend shes got sometimes especially to be able to talk to about everything she doesn't have any sisters so to be hers is amazing. i don't know what i'd do with out her. i'm so scared because of all the things she goes through. but i pray to god that she will be fine every day.

then there's this whole situation with me and him♥ and it reminded me of there situation because mine and his isn't any better. some times i wish i didn't love him, but it's not really him i just wish i could never love any one so i could never hurt them. i hate hurting people. i think it hurts me more than it would ever hurt them. i love people so much. i don't even have to know you personally and it's possible i'll care for you. some one always needs some one there for them even if it's just a simple hey, or a smile, or an ear for you to talk off. i have always had people depend on me, and have people fall in love with me, and some i never even loved. when i look at all the people i thought i've loved i don't think any love is like the love i have for him. it kills me to know how much i love him it hurts me to love him. i mean it really tears me apart i wish i could understand it. sometimes i wish i didn't love him, that maybe our friendship was way worth more than the love and it could stop me from loving him, but my heart needs him. i feel like i can't be with out him and i hate it. even days when we don't talk much breaks me apart. i have to keep his text messages just to read to reassure myself he's still here. it's so ridiculous. you should never depend on any one more than yourself. i mean it's all got me crying right now. i just wish things with me and him was better i pray every day that if and when he comes down spring break it will change everything for the better. but deep down i know its not going too and it hurts. some times when we talk on the phone i just sit and listen and cherish his voice. some times i have to pinch myself to make sure i'm not imagining it all. i've never felt like this before he makes me want to not flirt with any one not even look at another guy, and i have no idea why. i've always been on some pimp shit. we aren't even together and if i do flirt with anyone even if it's just gassing there head saying they look good. i feel guilty about it. i love him. i want to be with him. but i think i'm just taking my self down a lane that is just going to rip me apart in the end, i pray to god that he helps me out with all of this..... don't let it just be a game. i want this for real and forever. i love you.

god help me.

293.

2010-01-19T05:57:00.000-05:00

i know i haven't blogged in a long time, but i really don't have much to say. i went out last weekend to this bar and we had a blast, jello shooters and all. don't ask how i was drinking because i didn't need no ID! lol. =] we had a lot of fun, if we are cool you probably got my face book the pics are on there, tho a few aren't because i didn't want people to see the bad ones, especially the ones with me and Matt ahaha what a mess. but we had a great time, every one did karaoke but me because i clearly don't sing, and i've been super sick for the past few days. but we had a blast and we are going to do it again soon, real soon lol.

i have some one in my life, that i've really fallen for. i don't know where things are going to go but i hope for the better and not for the worse. tho we both know we are more than friends technically we are just friends, and that's all any one needs to know if they ask about us. but i do love him. it's just things aren't the right time, and the distance is all way off. i don't see how i can love some one i can't touch every day, but i do. i need him more than any one else. they say you know you really love some one when you can't live with out them, and i really can't. i've tried not talk to him and be with out him for a day, and i can't it really breaks my heart. i've cried about it, i've got mad about it, but mostly i'm just confused with it. i just know i can't be with out him and that i love him and i'm willing to wait to see how things turn out. but sometimes i think i'm stupid and i should let it go but i can't see any one else with my heart but him.

everything has been a little hectic latley, i'm going to Maryland supposedly wed. i'll see how things go. =] i hope every one is doing alright.

292.

2010-01-03T17:20:00.002-05:00

New Years Eve.
BOYYYYYY was it a party.
Every one and there mother was fucked up, even my mom. lol.
When it first started i had straight hair, 15 minutes in i had to go curl it.
I'll show you two pictures.

me at the beginning of the night. whew. lol

me midway, i guess. i'm not to sure to be honest. lol.

anyways the night was amazing let me tell you what happened. lol it started a little earlier for me 7:00 pm i started drinking and i didn't end tell 4:00 am, i do remember there was some females that came that got kicked out because they got caught sucking dick in my bathroom, no slut. you got to go. my brother also stole my blunt i was pissed that nigga hasn't smoked for ten years and wants to steal the blunt and smoke it. you don't smoke because you act ignorant there's a reason we don't let you smoke. my sister in laws sister wouldn't leave me the fuck alone her gay as was annoying, i was to drunk to deal with you shit. anyways back to my dumb ass brother his dumb ass stripped most his clothes off and was making fucking snow angles? seriously son? he is not allowed to drink anymore its a damn shame your 28 and can't hold you alcohol. He isn't allowed to have Jungle Juice or Vodka Or Weed every, and the less beer he consumes the better. i do remember him shoving me against the door and trying to choke me, no good. none of this is in order btw. lol. anyways i know a lot of other shit happened but i'm really not sure lol.

let me tell you what i consumed.
i started out with jello shooters.
vodka and cranberry.
weed.
vodka, malibu, cranberry and pineapple.
vodka and carberry.
more jello shooters.
jungle juice.
weed.
vodka and lemonade plus cranberry.
vodka and cranberry.

remember kids its better half and half. =]

anyways i don't know how many cups i had tho. lol.

well my new years eve was amazing and the past few days were great,
how about yours?

291,

2009-12-28T15:32:00.002-05:00

His Status: We haven't spoken in madd weeks and u gone send me some pussy pics to reintroduce yaself?? Lmao chill B!

Show Recent Messages (F3)

Stephanie Babyy: you fuck with some dumb tricks.
Him: Lol
Stephanie Babyy: every status you put up about females is terrible, gosh. i'm need you to step your bitch game up and leave these trashy bitches alone.
Him: Lmaoo
Him: Shorty I'm not fukkin wit her
Stephanie Babyy: well you was nigga.
Him: Noooo
Him: I swear
Him: I only met shorty 1 time
Him: We aint fukk kiss hug or nothin
Stephanie Babyy: word, alright then. but still what about all the other status's nigga?
Him: Shyt um
Him: Idk
Stephanie Babyy: come up with an excuse i'll give you some time......
Him: Lmaoo
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo.
Stephanie Babyy: you know i'm just trying to look out for you boo. =]
Him: I kno
Him: Ima start fukkin wit them high class hos
Stephanie Babyy: you need too, any bitch under my level is fucking ridiculous. i don't want to approve of your bitches, but your pushing me boo.
Him: Lmao
Him: Its gone be hard to find a bitch that's not under ya level
Him: U like top notch ma
Him: I just need to get at u
Stephanie Babyy: boo we been married for years, we just exploring other options.
Him: Lol u funny
Stephanie Babyy: lol
Stephanie Babyy: i just love fucking with you.

lmaoo that is the funniest conversation i've had in a long time, i had to blog it.
he is going to kill me but no one knows his identity so it will be okay. =]

shit had me dien. ily boo. =] ahah

anyways i haven't blogged in a long time, i don't really have anything to say. Christmas was great, got a few things i wanted, but i'm wait tell after income taxes come in to get anything else. oh yeah, i seen my birth-dad Christmas eve, it went well too. hes a fucking nutcase but it's alright. um i'm having a new years eve party, it's fucking great i'm so excited every one and there mother is going to be fucked up that night, lol well at least who ever comes anyways. no one under 21, well except me =] but i advise you all not to try to talk to me, i will be in my basement with the rest of the crew smashed. yum, lol. i hope every one has fun new years eve and had a great Christmas.

uh comment if you like.....

Peace & Love

290.

2009-12-08T23:50:00.004-05:00

Addict
–noun
1. a person who is addicted to an activity, habit, or substance.

Addiction
–noun
1. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.

2. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

We've all had our fair amounts of addictions. We are all addicts in some type of manner. You can deny it or embrace it? It may it be negative or even positive. You have to accept them and acknowledge them. Can you do it? I know I have.

I, Myself, may god help me with all of mine. I was an addict by the time I was 14. I started smoking weed and haven't put it down sense then. The most time I went with out it was six months, that's when I was 15. Six months later I started up again, but not only was I into weed, that's when i started drinking. By the age of 16 I was an alcoholic. I remember I use to sit and drink and drink and drink tell the point I wouldn't be able to walk. I don't drink much anymore, maybe a party, holiday or maybe even with the family. But not to the point I'm on the floor, just enough to feel numb. The same with weed, I use it to numb myself and to help with my anxiety. You probably think I'm lien, I bet your saying "weed doesn't help with anxiety" But yes it does, there has been proven studies. Eh even at one point I smoked cigarettes, new ports, eww cancer sticks. But yes I did it, for about a year and half then I quit that. I could never go back to that again, it was a big mistake. I have to deal with it tho.

I'm not just an addict with negative things in a sense of manner. I'm addicted to music, your probably thinking every one says that, but it's true. I love music with all my heart it's a big part of me. I even got a music note tatted on my wrist, it will always be apart of me. I don't know where I would be with out it. It's got me through a lot of hard times through my life, from heart breaks, to dramatic things that happen to me. I really love all types of music tho, Pop, R&B, Soft and Hard Rock, Country, Rap. I'll listen to anything at least once before I judge it.

I also have another addiction. You may believe me or not, but it's people, I feed off people especially there emotions and connections. When I don't feel that I have connections with some one, I simply remove them in a sense of manner. I have to have bonds with people it feeds my natural high. Crazy, yea I know, but its really all true. If your upset, angry or happy I can feel it all just by a simple look, vibe off your body or maybe even the way you text/font. Like recently some one has came into my life and I feed off mine and his connection for a high. I haven't smoke or dank since hes been around. Weird and crazy huh? Yea I know, but it's true. He keeps me so high, tho sometimes the side effects can be from happy to mad and even upset it's still apart of the high.

Anyways, I know I'm an addict and I admit to everything I do. You can be mad at me or live with my choices which aren't always the best. But this is me, what more do you expect an angle. I make mistakes and bad choices just like every one else. No one is ever perfect. Well the point is, do you realize your addictions or do you deny them all? If you would like, comment about them, it would be greatly appreciated.

Peace & Love.

289.

2009-12-06T23:43:00.000-05:00

i have to learn to cut my emotions off, and not get involved with any one emotionally. i'm so hurt in so many ways that i don't think i can deal with it. every time i open up to some one even if its the slightest bit i get shut down in so many ways. i ask myself how can i care about so many people, in all kinds of ways but always allow them to hurt me. pains a part of life, but i want to be allowed to choose who can and can't. i'm really just sick of it all. =/ oh mayne,

on a positive note, i went shopping today. i seen a lot of attractive guys, and i seen the cutest couple. it made me jealous lol. but gosh was there a lot of sexy men, i love shopping in mannassas the men are amazing. i got a few numbers. ;) plus i didn't even look all that great, i just had on jeans, boots, and a tee shirt eh and i had my big jacket. lol. i doubt i call any of them, i'm really not interested in bringing some one new in my life right now, i'm to much of a wreck to be honest. but this one dude was so fine and had the cutest dimples, fine chocolate boy, about 5'11 maybe 160lbs and braids. i don't usually like dudes with braids but he was so attractive. whew. i did a little bit of christmas shopping so my 3 sisters are done thank god. i got my other sister to do and i think that's it to be honest, i really don't feel much like christmas so im just do them and forget about it. -shrugs-.

eh i think i'm done, a lot is on my mind, and i'm rather upset. eh nothing new but it is what it is.

good night

Peace & Love.

288.

2009-12-06T01:06:00.001-05:00

it snowed today and i mean it snowed. we got like 8 inches. WTF? it was nice to see tho. made my day better. tho i don't like the cold. it just made me happy for some odd reason. we put our tree up too. i hate fake trees but my mom likes it. ugh. i love the smell of a real tree. when i get older i will always have one. lol. here's some pictures i took the snow ones out my bed room window. =]

lmao Jaime is silly. she just texted me. i missed her call last night. oops. =/ i was on the phone with my love. i figured out what was wrong with her comments. stupid me, i clicked on the pencil you have to click on comments. silly me. shes shocked i never seen cars. i've just never seen it lol. -shrugs-shes amazing tho i adore Jaime. shes one of the people i vent too. she always listens to all my crazy antics. lol good shit. i always listen to her too tho. <3

i was on the phone with my love last night. i'm so addicted to him its crazy and very unhealthy, we had a little fall out the other night i was so upset, but it was my fault i went looking for things i shouldn't of went looking for, they say never ask questions you don't want answers to but i did exactly that. smh. i just didn't know it was like that, i thought it wasn't, silly me tho. i hurt myself. but i'm over it i'm not willing to give him up so we let it go. tho i'm still kinda hurt by it. but i can't help it. i don't love often, but when i do i love hard. i didn't know i'd fall in love with him, i didn't know how connected we would be. i just wanted a friendship but now i'm stuck with a lot more. sometimes im upset about the situation but i can't help but to be. loving some one isn't something im use too, and loving some one who i can't have in a sense of a manner is even worse. i need help, something like rehab or maybe even all of him. =/ oh mayne.

oh yea my trip to Maryland has been canceled i feel like a terrible sister/friend, but i can't miss my other sisters baby shower i haven't seen her since febuary, but i really did want and need my break away. but maybe i can visit another time maybe after the new year because the next thing is Christmas then my new years party that i'm very excited about that i'm throwing with my sister in law and brother at the house here. i'm so sorry N'dya we really need to make other plans i want to come see you, i have for the past few months, but all the other things i've been going though there's no way i could just leave here. i wouldn't of been any type of company crying all the time and not sleeping or talking. just one big emotional mess

287.

2009-12-03T02:38:00.001-05:00

wow okay, my feelings are kinda under control i haven't cried today.
wooot.
i thought about it but didn't have to do it.
i don't want to talk about why i was upset or anything else to do with it.

last night was amazing.
i talked to him from 12 to 4:00ish
we even ended up on the phone, thanks to me. lol.
he said he didn't get my text
i know it's true tho because his phone hates me
but he did answer his phone, i was shocked.
i thought he had fell asleep lol.
gosh i'm so wrapped up
i know i am and i can't help it.
he's really becoming an addiction
i've never needed some one so bad the way i do him.
its rather unhealthy you shouldn't become addicted to anything
let it be a person to drugs to anything that's habit forming.
anyways he gives me chills and I become rather nervous.
it's different then what i use to experience.
butterfly's can't even describe how he's got me.
even when my phone goes "message received"
my heart flutters because i always think its him.
god my feelings are to much to deal with.
buttttt
his words are pleasurable.
his mind is intriguing.
his intelligence is breathe taking.
his talents are amazing
i could go on and on about him.
but you are probably sick of me talking about some one who's name you don't even know.
ooooooooooooo. =]

anyways, Derrick wouldn't help me find out about my laptop battery fucker. lol
but hes yelling at me to go to bed, and now talking to me.
told me my brain needed to be turned off :(
i wish that was possible at night. lol
i still love him he tried to help in a twisted way lol
& Jaime is trying to get me to go gay, because of something i told her.
tho i know it's true deep down i keep getting deeper in my obsession.
i'll just have to accept that when it comes.
i still love you Jaime, but i'm not going gay. lol

Audrey is killing me on twitter, yelling about twitter jail.
and all of her people getting stuck in it.
oh booo <3 lol
i love her shes a trip
she did agree to do my graphic for my blog.
i'll give her info soon she tells me shes available =]

Juelz aka Shanell and Jay Adams is a trip, them two on twitter man oh my.
they go back and forth at one another taking shots.
how rude lol.
i love them both tho.
I met Jay a long time ago, and he introduced me to her.
they both are amazing.
Jay's music is great.
i have one of his newest songs
here's the link <3
http://www.zshare.net/audio/69278355ce679d2f/
Juelz is amazing tho.
she said this about me.
i appreciate you. You've got one of the most beautiful souls I've ever encountered. @chickylove
i thought that was one of the most amazing things some ones ever said to me.
it really made me blush. i really appreciate her. <3

oh yea good news.
i'm going to Maryland next thrusday
i really need a break.
i'm hoping this will be a good start for me.
maybe after that i can be relieved and have a break from everything
i really do need one it is well deserved and over due.
i also emailed some one today about there book i typed up
so that is done and over with, thank god.
i got a second one waiting for me.
i think i need to start reading
get my mind under control
if i keep it busy it slows down.
i think because i think so much my head hurts.
is that even possible?
i mean i'm sure it is.
but wow.
i really need to go to bed
i have a 4 year old in the Am and tomorrow
plus i got 3 kids to get up and get ready for school
oh my next two days are full of unexpected experiences
because this little girl is surprisingly not your average 4 year old.
whew, my bed is really calling my name
tho i know i won't sleep tonight,
god i hate my brain.
but every one else loves it
why?
as you can see my blog is unusually long,
and confusing.
so is my mind.
okay i'm done.
i need to stop.

Peace & Love.

286.

2009-11-29T03:58:00.001-05:00

whew blog, do i have some things to tell you lol.
no not really.
okay maybe a little. lol

me and lewan had a long conversation and i was balling.
even thinking about it has me thinking about crying.
i feel so bad for treating lewan the way i have lately,
lewan was one of the closet people to me.
but i pushed him away, not because i wanted too.
but for his own good, all the things i've been going through
where just going to bring him down with me.
that isn't what i wanted to do or have him worried about me.
but i promised him i would be fine. so i will be.
plus we will get back close soon, i just need some time.

i had another conversation with derrick.
it was important to me.
i'm nosy and wanted to know the answer.

Stephanie Babyy: what is it about me that attracted you, no physical
Derrick: your brain
Derrick: that was pretty much the key thing
Derrick: the looks we nothing major in my eyes
Derrick: but that big beautiful brain is awesome
Stephanie Babyy: lol what about my brain tho?
Derrick: its filled with stuff, and you're a smart girl too
Derrick: you make alot of sense...most of the time
Derrick: i'd take a stick to that, and break it open like a pinata

he had me cracking up, saying he wanted to break it open like that ahah.
it was a good convo we covered he's a great guy
i wish him the best of luck.
plus i'm glad we stayed friends.

Now on to Him <3
i prefer not to say his name,
for personal reasons.
anyways.
i love the nights hes off,
tho i keep him up so late and i feel terrible
but he reassures me it's his choice
so i'm going to accept it and not say anything else about it.
he made me laugh yesterday and he keeps me blushing
but i love when i can get to him and make him blush.
Baby <3: Man...you are such a charmer babe
i couldn't help but laugh, i know i can be rather slick with words.
i'm rather a flirt, but ever since he's came around i don't even flirt anymore.
any one that i caked with is pretty irrelevant compared to him
we aren't together tho, and i don't know how much of that is going to change.
that is for me and him to worry about tho.
but i don't want to speak on much more about us.

oh & thanksgiving was great,
my sister who lives in southern VA came up to see us too.
so it was nice, shes back with her first husband,
he looks different. lol.
but it was great to have all the family over.
i finished new moon thanksgiving night too btw.
good book.
i'm getting the other 2 soon.
plus twilight from my niece to read.
lol.

i got my jersey tho. =]
i was so freaking excited.
mom tried to hide it from me,
but i had to see it and put it on.
it was rather kinda big on me.
but i still love it.
throw back Polamalu.
whew. yes.
yellow and black.
i just wish i could already have it lol
but i'll wait lol.
i also got a new fan for my laptop
i don't get tell Christmas too.
grrrrrrrrrrrr
when i went to the mall.
i didn't see anything i wanted from debs. :(
it disappointed me.
the sweat shirt and shirt i tried on in jc pennys was to big
some times i forget about how much weight i've losed.
because i always tend to pick out the bigger sizes
smh i don't need them now. lol

i've been working on a new song play list.
and i'm talk to Audrey see if she has some free time
anytime soon, see if she can make me a graphic.
but if you get a chance, check out Jay Sean's album
i really like it. plus some guy name Guy Sebastian.
he's pretty nice, i like his Art Of Love & All To Myself.
anyways i'm extremely tired and i'm going lay down,
after i email him his pictures.
plus i'll text him tell i fall asleep.
good night.

Peace & Love.

285.

2009-11-25T05:53:00.000-05:00

so all i do is think lately, crazy huh?
no its normal just a hella lot more than i use too.
and it's not always the same things
sometimes its crazy shit others its normal.
i really get negative at times, its not good.
eh what ever but i think and over analyze everything!
bad thing to do.
really.

i stole my sisters new moon book,
and i've begin to read it
i like it.
weird.
i didn't think i would but i do.
im on pg 155. chapter 6.
few pages from chapter 7.
good shit.
lol

i tracked my jersey it was in costumes this morning,
lets see if it left?
..........
yayy it left costumes at 7:00 tonight.
im so excited to get it,
but i can't have it tell Christmas.
booooo
lol.

i tried to skype derrick tonight,
and he was so not having it.
he said i made his damn pc lag.
FUCK YOUR PC. lol
j/k.
but alright.
no skype with derrick.

but my babe is suppose to be making one
well he says he is now so hopefully i can skype with him.
i'll probably make him lag too.
=[
oh booo.
we will see tho.
lol.
he made one, but we haven't video chatted lol.
we are making up our own story,
it's really fun but sometimes its hard for me
to come up with my line lol.
OVER ANALYZING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
lol.
you can't read it tho.
it's only between us.
=]
eh we tried to skype it wouldn't let us,
kept dropping our call.
but i got to for a few.
i'm just glad i got to see him.
i'm finish my night with him then bed like every night.
good night.

i hope every one is well.

peace and love.

284.

2009-11-20T02:30:00.001-05:00

okay i have to decide what i want on my blog i'm so sick of slaughter house.
i want something new, i'm really feeling amerie
or maybe david cook.
i'm not sure but something and soon.
and something new.
audrey help me. lol

okay now down to what i want to talk about, ever since i hurt my back and have been going through all this stuff i've been so over emotional everything makes me cry it could be nothing i mean literally nothing but it will make me cry. like a simple text message makes me ball. i'm such a wreck. i need to be pulled back together or something its just so much to deal with i don't even know what to do. i hate being scared of my emotions and when i can't hold them together i know its terrifying others. no ones ever seen me at the bottom, i don't like for any of myself to be vulnerable but lately i've been open like a book and i'm scared. even my sister seen me cry. they never see me cry. i don't cry in front of others, i refuse too. i'm just so lost. my anxiety is getting out of order too, the worst thing in the world is being in pain if any one tells you other wise there a liar. anxiety attacks hurt so bad, at least mine do, i can't breath my chest feels like its caving in and i feel like i'm spinning, if you've never experienced an anxiety attack pray you never do. i've had three just to day and i've cried four times. I need a break from all that i have going on, but i just can't seem to get away i set earlier and thought about the last time i went a whole day with out some type of physical/emotional pain and you know i couldn't even remember. how can i not remember? has it literally been that long i mean its been since sept 27th since i messed up my back, so almost two months of hip and back pain, but what about before that? i've been in pain since god knows how long, this is terrible. i thought about smoking and drinking, but i'm really trying to not do it i really don't even want too, tho i got it. i might have to break tho, at least smoke a little maybe i will get myself in some type of order after wards. maybe, at least i hope, i think i'll go stay with some one this weekend and get out of the house. grandmother? or maybe one of my brothers? i don't know i will see.

past all the negative. Positive reinforcement? yea i got that. well some one to look forward to, i hope. Recently over the past months i've had some one come in my life, and they really mean a lot to me. i've completely fell head over heels for this person. i've never had this connection with any one before, it kinda freaks me out. we are so much a like even down to things that happened in our life, not just little things most people have in common i mean drastic things that happen in your child hood and on ward. kinda freaky to me. lol but he is amazing, talented and such a wonderful guy. i'm glad me and him have connected and i'm so glad he's in my life. he told me that i've been taking to the edge and back, but it's only made me stronger. i was speechless when he told me, he doesn't know how much that meant to me. with me its the little things that matter, i don't want gifts or any other stuff, i just want your time and your attention more than anything. crazy huh? other girls want the other things, but me, nah those things are useless i want memories and emotional ties. tho we have this connection there's still some other things, and i'm so scared to lose him. i don't want him to leave my life, i really need him to be apart of it. i've never needed any one like i do him and its terrifying me. so since i don't know what is going to happen i cherish every moments i get to share with him.

pray for me.

283,

2009-11-16T00:40:00.001-05:00

so last night i had a conversation with some one about flaws and i thought about seeing if i can type everything i feel about me that is flaw or not positive or actually healthy.
i'll list them but in no order, just what comes to me first.

selfish
jealous
cocky
lazy
ADD
nosy
arrogant
restless
insomniac
flirtatious
my weight
my insecurities

if you comment list yours as well.
or if you feel i missed one tell me.
tho no one ever does
fuckers.

the 13th was my birthday btw, i'm now twenty.
i was excited.
i got my hair done and my eye brows
got a cake and balloons
cards and some money. lol
plus went out to dinner with the family.
here's a few pics.
<3

282.

2009-11-09T01:16:00.002-05:00

wow so i haven't blogged in forever so i thought i'd update you a bit, i really think the last time i blogged was the 20th, and that wasn't about much lol. this one isn't going to be either but eh at least it's a blog right. right.

Halloween was a blast i dressed up with my sister in law and brother, we didn't trick or treat tho gosh calm down i know we a little to old for that lmao. we had a lot of fun tho for real, taking the kids around and being dressed up was a blast. i was a doctor my sister in law was just freaky looking and my brother was joe dirt/hillbilly lol but it was a blast i got pics on myspace if you have me on there. lol.

Me and Derrick are kinda cool now, he said he wants to work on our friendship, we will see how that works, i have no problems with Derrick or any one else for that matter, but i'm not apologizing for anything i don't feel the need too because i don't believe i did anything wrong, but if you can bring something to me and i then feel it was wrong then i will apologize that's for any one or anything. i'm just glad to try to work out my friend ships.

this past week i had to cancel my physical therapy because my sister in law had chemo and i had to go with her, i couldn't let her go by her self and sit in the infusion room from 9-5 for 3 days and then go back and get a shot, that would be so fucked up. So i stayed with her this week and came home finally tonight, i'm so glad i came home i can now sleep in a tee and no pants, i hate pants when i sleep i get so tangled up in my clothes i hate it i toss and turn to damn much and flip over and roll around smh a mess lol.

today was my grandmothers birthday, 2nd one without my granddad and mine will be friday, crazy huh he was gone a year sept 2nd and it still feels like yesterday whew. its crazy how things are, i got to physical therapy tues this week and on my birthday friday ahh good, work me outttttt. today was a bad day tho i was in the worst pain, my hips and back and down my thighs are killing me and my shoulder, i get that checked thursday and the dermatologist god i pray its good news he gives me i'm just tired of this weird ass pain, if i didn't hurt on my shoulder i wouldn't worry about it, but i do so its a different story. ahh we will see how this week goes.

i have the biggest crush on some one, i know this is crazy, but some one recently has grabbed my attention, we've been talking since the beginning of Sept or the end of August i should say but i didn't get his number tell September, nor did i ever think i would have feelings for anyone but he changed that. he's a great guy. he's the biggest sweet heart i know and he's always talks to me like all day, a week or so ago we didn't talk to much for a few days and it drove me crazy i was so mean and rude to people. he's become a drug really it's like when we don't talk i have withdraws, like we didn't talk tell 6:00 today because he was having phone issues so he got a new phone but i was in a rude mood plus me being in pain made it a lot worse. but we do usually talk especially late at night that's why i don't be around because i text him while hes at work while im sleeping a bit at night lol. but i like him a lot so we will see how things turn out. <3 =]

281.

2009-10-20T00:08:00.000-04:00

okay so i haven't blogged in a long time, since the 9th. so yea let me update you.
well lets not.
i'll just tell you what i want you to know....

im trying to mend a few broken friend ships, i think one is pretty mended.
and the other i'm going to try to mend tomorrow.

i fucked up my back sept 27th. i start physical therapy this thursday.
i'm hoping this all works and i don't have to do anything else.
about my hips and back.

my nigga josephs birthday was the 13th, happy birthday boo.
i told him on the day so yea.
he had a good day so that's all that matters too..

then there's kev.
he's a great guy.
i adore him.
he's help me a lot through the past few weeks.
he texts me every morning and every night
and a lot through out the day too.
i'm thankful for him,
especially the times he's came in my life.
i<3him.

i'm happy me and Aurdery have been talking,
we have gotten kinda close
and i adore her so much.
ilyboo <3

i really don't have much to say.
nor do i feel like blogging.
i'm text kev while hes at work and go to sleep.
good night.

280.

2009-10-09T13:12:00.001-04:00

okay i'd like to address something, before any thing else is said, Jaime i love you. but your acting crazy, i don't see why your saying i'm a bad friend i didn't even do anything, i don't even know what happened you have not been talking to me since you had your rant about me giving derrick another try, i already told you i'm not with him, and i can't trust him so where does that leave it no where, so i wish you'd stop acting like this and the whole tiny chat shit, i wasn't in there the night all of that happened between you and them, i was asleep, plus i was running off no sleep for three days, so if you want to get mad at me for not sticking up for you when i don't know what the fuck happened in the first place, theirs nothing i can do, you can either stay in my life or leave it, i'm not going to beg you, i will not apologize for something i can't control because i can't make other people treat you well, no matter if i say anything or not, especially Demetrick because i know that half of this is got to be about what he did to you, you need to take that up with him, and the fact you got joked on Jaime every one was getting clowned not just you, josh told me i looked like Michael Jackson so before you go off and say that every one was making fun of you and shit every one was clowning each other, you didn't have to stay in there nor did you have to listen you could easily block people it has the setting, that's your choice to take it to heart, and me have a fake personality no i do not all the shit i've been through with you and you act like this what kind of friend does that make you, plus derrick can say that i change with him or what ever, he can take it how ever he wants and so can you, because i don't see it and i don't really care anymore, because i've been a great friend to both of y'all i'm sorry that i have so much personal shit going on with me about me might having cancer and me never being able to get of meds for the rest of my life that i forgot to make my life about you and him.

on another note, the few new people that came into my life are fucking amazing this nigga Demetrick be killing me, i mean hes been around but we've really started talking a lot more, and he cracks me the fuck up, hes really sexy too i might add lol. =] Then this nigga Joseph, he hates that but i know to many Jay's so im not calling him that lol. hes a trip, he better be taking care of my babys, he called me last night, and he had me dien, he always mocking me and i hate that shitttt lol. And last but not lease Kevin, i have the biggest crush on him, he is so cute, so smart, and sweet, but can be aggressive lol, we talk for hours. lol. oh wait my white boy lmaoo this nigga Drew is so cute to be a white boy lol, i'm not usually attracted to them but hes a little cutie, i wouldn't fuck with him like that tho, and i think his girl might be a little jealous of me lol, oops. well okay enough about them. that's none of your business anyways. lol.

eh about me, lately i have been so sore, ever since Sept 27th my back and hips have been really bothering me, and it's been a long time since this shit has acted this way, but this pain hurts so fucking bad that i can't move some morning when i wake up it makes me want to cry, maybe its because i'm just so stressed out and upset about everything, and the fact that I'm taking care of my sister in law too, because where she is sick with cancer, gosh i wish things would get better instead of worse. all this shit is taking such a big toll on me. i wish it would all just go away for real. =/ i think I'm about done, oh wait i talked to Bryant the other day, i miss him we've known each other for over a year now, he's still amazing, and he told me the day before i go in to the dermatologist that hes going to pray with me that night, <3 i love him for that. okay i'm done,

Peace & Love.

279.

2009-10-06T16:14:00.002-04:00

wow i ain't blogged since Sept 23rd whew, damn
thats rediculous son wow i ain't got to much shit to say tho,
i been going through to much shit,
the cancer scare and all that
i go to the dermitologist nov 12th
a fucking day before my birthday
fuck my lifeeeeeeeeeeeee

i've had a few people come in and out my life latley,
few new white boys owwwwwwwww
drew and stackz =]
they what's poppin tho,
graphic designer and rapper. eh i'll take em.
<3333333333333

then theres this nigga joseph <3
his ass better be getting my fitted fuckerrr lol
that's my nigga tho we talked on the phone last night
he is so wild, i hope his kids alright (inside)

whew and then demetrick <3 hey daddy =] lol
that's my boo thing hes wild, boyyyy stop.
i'm suppose to take pics for this nigga i don't even feel like it oops.
=]

tees stalking ass is gone, i guess thank god,
because that nigga had some real issues
for real for real.

microphoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

anways im in a great as mood son,
i don't know if its the slaughter house i'm banging
or i'm just in a good mood, maybe a bit of both
i'm dumb tired tho 5 hours of sleep in 3 days
whew i'm killin em lmaoooooo
alrightalright

jaime on some other shit
with her shot as blog
BITCHASSSSSSS

oh yea and me and derrick
eekkkkkk
we been at it boy,
but we good now.
i'm sorry bae.

i'm killing your whole life with one word
whewwwwwwwwwww

alright alright yo.

if you are what you eat, why is my man not a pussy

pussIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi
lmaooo

this shit makes no fucking sense,
damn i'm on some ignorant shit.
whew.

alright i'm done.
sikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

whewwwwwwwwwwwwww
i'm the last mother fucker y'all should test.

nah for real, for real,
i'm finished

peace and love ]

278.

2009-09-23T23:55:00.001-04:00

okay so i haven't blogged in forever and a day and every one and their mothers have been on me about it, just kidding just my lovers have been <3 lol anyways i don't have too much to say.

um lets update you about shit that’s happened with me lately, i didn't want to speak on this, maybe more because i don't want anyone to know, or maybe i just don't want to realize it myself, i went to the doctor and she told me I’ll probably never be able to get off the medicines I’m on for the rest of my life, that's hard to take in right. well that's not all, i have this spot on me and my doctor wants to biopsy it to make sure i don't have cancer it’s a 50/50 thing we will see how it goes in a few weeks if she feels that she needs to do that, or i might change doctors and go get a second opinion on everything. okay enough of all of that next subject, the people in my life are very supportive especially my family, i have a few friends that know my best friend scared me because when i told him he didn't say shit, so how am i supposed to take that in. it scares me to know that something could be wrong with me and they are probably thinking i could die, as blunt as that is it's true, i wanted to tell someone that i recently started talking too but no matter how close we are kind of getting i think that's a lot to dump on someone, i didn't even want to tell any of my friends or any of my family for real, just for the simple fact i know that's a lot of stress for someone it’s hard enough on me, and that's the last thing i need is someone stressed and worried over me, I’ll be fine i always am.

oh yeaaa i found my old web cam for my desktop, and recently i went and bought one for my laptop it’s not that bad, i like my desktop cam better though i can take pics with that one this one i have no idea how to i guess i can print screen and save lol but thats about it lol oh yea well i had got to so i could fuck with these niggas and tiny chat buttttt that shit doesn't work when i'm home, straight bull shit huh? Oh do i know. It’s all good though, fuck tiny chat; i can still fuck around with these niggas on yahoo. =]

Okay i'm done, oh wait Beast the Skitzo's mixtape dropped a while back shit is nice, google it lol.
Beast The Skitzo - Rebel Without A Cause.

if you can't find it, i can get a link from him.

Peace & Love.

277.

2009-09-11T02:41:00.000-04:00

Jaime told me to blog, so i'm bull shit and post 2 convo's i had with some one.
FUCK YOUUUU WIFE. lmao.
i'm just being lazy.
oh yea and my dream i'll type you that. lol
so much shit, so not feeling it.

Stephanie Babyy: -throws you.
Stephanie Babyy: tall fucker.
Boo: i am 6'5
Boo: 200 +
Boo: seriously?
Stephanie Babyy: okay i couldn't pick you up.
Stephanie Babyy: but i damn for sure can kick you.
Stephanie Babyy: i can push out 400lbs. so kicking you would not be an issue i'm just short as fuck!
Boo: ill put youover my shoulder
Stephanie Babyy: i would like that tho.
Stephanie Babyy: :))
Boo: lol
Stephanie Babyy: your a foot taller than me.
Stephanie Babyy: you picking me up would make me wet.
Boo: lol really
Stephanie Babyy: yes.
Stephanie Babyy: don't you know you tall fuckers are my addiction.
Boo: lol
Stephanie Babyy: i'm need you to learn these things.
Stephanie Babyy: get a tattoo and i'll never let you go.
Stephanie Babyy: :))
Boo: lmao
Stephanie Babyy: you think i am playing?
Boo: nah i believe you
Stephanie Babyy: good.
Boo: lol
Stephanie Babyy: =]
Stephanie Babyy: you always laugh at the shit i be telling you
Stephanie Babyy: why?
Boo: iust a default reaction
Boo: i laugh alot in real life too
Stephanie Babyy: your ass just put lol cus you aint got shit else to say
Stephanie Babyy: don't play,.
Boo: lmao
Boo: you right
Stephanie Babyy: sadfaesfhadskjf
Stephanie Babyy: get.

lmao ily boo.

Stephanie Babyy: need to find one you don't have to put hella effort in, insecure sexy bitches are always easy.
Boo: lmaoo
Boo: word
Stephanie Babyy: that was so rude.
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo
Boo: thanks for the tip
Boo: LMAO
Boo: you sounded like a niggah
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo

lmaoo i am crazy i know,
but that's my nigga i be giving him help on the game,
he could get it tho, fine as fuck, and tall as hell.
yum lol.

yes they it was with the same person.
fuck faces.

-DREAM- =]

so i had this weird fucking dream where i was chilling with this nigga i know from way back when, his names snipa well that's his nick name and he lives in Brooklyn and why i was in NY i have no idea, but i was and i was chilling with him, so we went to some stores because we was picking out things for his place, like appliances and shit so we was at like home depot, but we had his dog with us, so i went in to get some dude he was looking for and when i did some other guy grabbed a hold of me and put a knife to my throat and was like your coming with me, so snipa pulls out his gun and and shot dude in the head, i was shocked and he grabbed me and we left and pulled over to walmart, well i guess these dudes was following us and he left the dog in the car when we went in i got a cart and we go to get some things for the house, well when we was going down a isle or what ever you want to call it some dude walks up to snipa and pushes him snipa hits dude in the mouth and dude tries to stab snipa and hit his right shoulder so he grabs hold of me and runs like down the isle well when we do some other dude comes around and pulls a gun on us, and he pushes me behind him and dude goes to shoot but snipa grabbed his gun and hit dude twice in the shoulder snipa grabs my hand and tries going to the front of the store but two other dudes come from both sides so he runs down this isle and told me to go to the bathroom and lock the door and stay there, i told him no, so he grabs hold of me and pushes me in front of him and told me to go in the middle of the isle so i would be safe, he shoots at one dude and hits him the other dude shoots and hits snipa in the leg so when he does snipa falls to his knees and shoots the other dude and hits him in the head. i go over and pick snipa off the ground grab his gun and and continue to walk to the door to get out, we start hearing police sirens and shit, i told him we had to get out of there he told me if we was caught it would be strike three i told him it wasn't going to happen and i would take the rep he told me he wouldn't let me so i get him out the door and we walk down the side walk while cops are running into the store....... that's when i woke up. =/

weird dream, i even kinda looked different, but a good different.

oh yea i had softball today, two great games and i'm getting a fake id. =] lol great huh yea i know, but anyways, i talk to my grandmother she's tripping out because of my sister, this nigga karter been calling me, told me he was in Amsterdam i don't know how much of that i believe but cool i guess. he called me tonight while i was talking to my grandmother so i call him right after i get off the phone with her which was like 15mins and he didn't even answer for me, so fuck it i guess i'll talk to him tomorrow when he calls around 12:30. smh i guess i got more out of this blog then i thought i would i really don't have shit else to say, i hope my sisters get there act together, and i hope every ones lives are great. ily loves. <3

276.

2009-09-03T01:11:00.000-04:00

okay so i been planning to blog forever and a day now for real, lmaoo
but i never seem to get around to doing the shit,
or i just never feel like doing for real.
i mean literally i was going to blog the 28th.
and it's the fucking 2nd lmao well 3rd in all actuality. lol.
and fuck you if you don't like what's in my blog.
kill yourself whore.

anyways, on the 28th my boo went for a walk dumb late and it was dark
so i told shorty she needed to carry something with her because she ain't know
what could happen and shit you feel me?
i mean its like 12 at night and shit, and she out in the streets and shit
smh so i told her to carry a blade on her
simple, easy to pocket and easy to flip oppen ya dig?
goood she need something so i'm need her to invest in it
k.thanks wifey. <3

been fighting with derrick and getting along with him too,
we are a mess i'm need for shit to calm the fuck down
for real shit be so out of order and out of context
his birthday was the 29th.
happy birthday too.
ily.

niggas period acting funny now a days,
they always running that mouth about shit
i hate you all.
i'm just go gay, sikeeeee
can't do that, i don't want pussy.
i just check out bitches.
chill.

so this weekend i kicked it with my brother a few nights,
plus this little nigga Eric, that thanks i'm from Brooklyn
he be telling every one that shit that come up to me,
i'm like little nigga chill for sure, but he's loving it up
ahha he a youngster but he's a little cutie,
i've known him since like he was in kindergarten and shit.
watching' some one grow up is cute.
he stole a riding cart out of martins tho and rode it over to the bridge
and then his dumb ass got stuck and couldn't move ahaha.
dumb fuck....
oh yea i seen Zeus and twink too,
them niggas be killing me,
i think Zeus is cute,
but he like real big bitches,
the last bitch he fuck with was 350+ easy
plus that bitch was like 6'0 lmaoo.
and my ass is 5'5 like 220. fattie i know.
but fuck it.
i'm still bad as fuck.
holler.
=]

eh okay so since it was the 2nd it was my granddad year of being gone,
today wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be,
i feel like i never grieved but i feel like i couldn't
at the time i was on pills, making my emotions gone
so i think that's when i was grieving and now i can't
it sucks i feel no connection right now,
it hurts like fuck to know he's gone
but i can't cry about it,
i'm happy he's not in pain and he's safe.
even if he is up in heaven.
i love you
and i do miss you terrible
i even watched a few baseball games for you.
cussed a-rod too.
fuck that nigga, right?
right. lol.
i'm getting myself right,
just like you told me too,
it's just taking some time.
keep me strong.
i love you.
<3

my sister N'dya be killing me yo.
she goes through so much shit,
i try to make sure she keep her head up
and try to make it through every thing
but she was putting so much on my shoulders
and yesterday was a rough day, well its still kinda today
because i haven't been to sleep yet, you feel me.
but yea i understand she been going through a lot,
i'm always going to be here for her
she needs to stay strong for real
because i've been down the road kinda
where she going and where she coming from.
and i'm be strong for her.
i'm hold her up.
and continue to hold myself.
GET A HOLD OF YOUR COMPOSURE!
kthnx
i love you sis.

oh yea fuck,
my sister Ashley is knocked up yo.
shocking huh?
i'm mad as fuck she told Amanda and not me?
like wtf
we was so close
but you go to some one who you fight with all the time
instead of the one sister who has always been there
cool i got you.
but congratulations sis
i hope you have a boy
don't name him Jose.
SHIT!
aahah seriously.
don't.

okay i'm done, oh wait.
Karter wanted me to call him,
he was my new boo
went south and i exed him.
oops.

i hope Lewan is well,
we haven't been talking much.
i love you my nigga <3
i hope your classes are well.
and you better be doing your work too.
shit.
lol

okay now i'm done.
good night.

275.

2009-08-25T05:49:00.004-04:00

so i want to type a blog but its going to be so much
i wouldn't recommend reading it to any one, but try your best.
good luck.

Alright so so much shit been going on with me, from nigga drama, tell how my family is tripping about everything that I say or do and it is so out of hand I'm not even going to lie. plus i was sick for like a week and half, bull shit right? right. so anyways about the nigga issues. for those who have read my blog you know about derrick, and about what all has been going on with us. Last night my sister talked to him and i guess he told her i told him that it was over and i couldn't see myself with him anymore, well her ass flips the fuck out on me. are you serious tho. i mean she really flipped the fuck out talking about I hold grudges and shit and that I'm going to die alone because of it. first off, she don't know what happened or what we've been through or the shit he's done to me. he knows all the shit so i don't need to put him all out like that, but the point is that shit is no ones business but mine and his to begin with, i mean i could understand if he went to Jaime because she knows everything pretty much because we are both very open with her. so i mean damn, my sister still didn't need to come at me like she did anyways, I've been trying almost two years to be with this nigga, and he has made a lot of mistakes and we've been trying to get through the shit he has done, but some times things don't just go away and you can't just forget about them. Derrick and I talked tonight and things got mad emotional, i got love for derrick sometimes i still believe i am in love with derrick but i don't know if i can be with him, we are going to just let things have time before we move forward or let go. so yea, um that's about all with him.

Brandon eh he is something else, i love him tho. we have an awkward relationship but have a good understanding off it. He told me in October he is going to go live with Cat in MA. i'm happy for him. i really am, i do wish them both the best of luck. he told me he wasn't going to stop talking to me, but eh its hard to believe he will talk to me knowing how weird our relationship is and how different it changes on a daily bases when we speak and how different we act towards each other.things are so weird between me and him for real. he disses me one day, tell's me he loves me another. i'll never understand this boy. but i wish him the best of luck with his music and with Cat when he moves.

Eh now my secrete bew, well ex now. this nigga tripping and shit. i don't know what the fuck is going on with him. we was talking hard core before i went to the beach. he was dumb upset that i was leaving and all telling me he don't want me leaving and he hopes and prays i don't mess with any one. righttt, me mess with some one in the first place would be weird, i'm not even like that. we even talked when i was at the beach like almost every night, but like one night before i come back he get all weird, nigga told me he broke his phone, he always breaking his phone. smh at least that's the game a nigga be spitting but niggas are liars same as bitches. but i really was one hundred with the nigga, he was just on some other shit. so recently i talk to him one night, he tells me he'd talk to me tomorrow nigga don't talk to me for 3 days, i think he got hurt and shit because i can't reach em. nigga fine he come on yahoo, we still don't speak, clearly now that nigga don't give a fuck. got me going out my way, fuck i look like. done and over. oops. good bye.

Jaime the love of my life, i love this woman. i wifed her up. she has three of my kids, would of been more, but she lost a few. R.I.P to my babies. i love y'all to death. call me if you need me to beat they asses i'll gladly be on my way ma. Anyways, Jaime and I are fucking amazing. i am so glad i have her because she goes through so much of my shit with me, i tell her everything, i need some one to vent to, who better than your wife. there are some times i be feeling like i abuse our relationship, but i mean i am there for her just as much as she is there for me. i like talking to her about my problems because she's been through so much shit for such a young age and she can feel me. if you don't have some one you can talk to like that than you should make yourself vulnerable and let some one in for real, you never know it might be the best thing you've ever done for real. I love you Jaime and I hope you had a great birthday, i am straight by the way, i'm need you to stop telling me how i'm not. Our relationship is just different.

My family yo omg, they are such a fucking trip. i mean seriously they be on some whole other shit. i swear they have problems tho for real, on some other shit. Okay, so like my dad he be acting like he is the best fucking thing in the world and that he knows fucking everything. 1. you sit on your ass or you work with my uncle, you act like a dick head 24/7 and your rude as fuck to people and act like an ass hole and act racist, shit isn't cool. some times the dude act right tho, but that's when he ain't on his period like the rest of the year. I don't see how my mom has stuck with him this long, i swear if they didn't have my little sister they would of been done and over. Eh my mother is amazing i swear she is the best woman i've ever met in my life, i mean yes we have our issues but what mother and daughter doesn't right, she just tells me i'm a little bitch some times because i have an attitude, i'm sorry i get that way but some times yours is worse than mine, i still love you more than anything in the world, and i wish your pain would just go away. I miss my grandfather, it's hard every day knowing he's gone it will be a year soon. Sept 2nd. around three am i would say. =/ i love you more than anything in the world too, i visited your grave the other day, mom was a wreck so was dad and Jo. but you know I'm like you i don't like to show my weakness, don't cry. be strong and hold your head up high. i got you my number one <3 oh yea fuck a-rod. ahah. My brother is a trip son he is into MMA fighting he's 1-1 he fights Oct. 13th against one his friends, i'm go see. i was helping him work out tonight, nigga gets wild i got hit a few times but he be wildin' tho. lol. can't wait to go to his fight. one my sisters in law is still have cancer and the other one is a sissy and whines about everything but i heard her sister broke her back and one her legs, flipped over the four wheeler on her a mess smh i guess she was on coke and drunk, she a big coke head tho. smh she just going end up back in jail like before. a true mess. my other sisters are a trip and my little brother has a hookah i'm go smoke with that lil nigga. i love smoking with that nigga i remember when he couldn't roll now he roll the shit tighter than me. i need to step my fucking game up! enough about them crazy fools. oh wait i'm going to go stay with two of my sisters and my grandmother this weekend. hm. yea.

Lewan oh Lewan how i'm going to miss you so boo. sike your ass better still fuck with me, even tho your back in your dorm. i told you i wasn't letting you go quiet yet. your my tall loverrrrrr. i love that you are a foot taller than me all you need is a tattoo then i'm try to marry your ass. j/k i will sex your brains out tho. should i be saying this in my blog clearly no one reads it and clearly i don't give a fuck because you already know how i feel i stay trying to spit game at your ass, and you just laugh at all the crazy shit i be telling you. i'm sorry if i don't open up like you want me too, i try to be as open with you as i can be, one of my down falls with any one is not being completely open, but for you to be one of my guy friends you know so much shit its rediculous i never get this open with any guys or people for that matter it's like 3 people i'm one hundred percent will tell anything to and your one of em, you know about all the shit i've done and you just think i'm crazy. but i do have a special spot for you in my heart, i need to come to SC, wait. maybe that's not such a great idea i will hump your tall ass, but oh well. lol you'll still be there at the end of the day, i hope you do well in all your classes, and i hope the vikings go to the super bowl this year just for you boo. so you can bring out that jacket you told me about. ahahha ilyboo. <3

shit i could go on and on forever but let me hit some other shit right quick.
it's already 5:15 am.
wow
i got to be up in almost an hour.
whew.

anyways, i was checking some people blogs and i try to keep tabs on people but some times i don't be checking them like i should but this net i have is shitty so i be forgetting and shit. so my bad, i do read you all's blogs i just never comment on them, i'm sorry. especially Jay, this dude is amazing tho i know he is going through a lot of things, but just stick with it love, things will get better. To be honest i don't even thing that nigga reads my blog but it's straight, i still feel i should comment on how i feel in mine. so deal with it k. anyways back to him. Jay is an amazing guy, i know he goes through a lot and puts his self through it ten times harder because of how he is as a person he still is amazing tho, and deserves the best i do hope him and his significant other work things out because i know he really loves her, plus he deserves a good woman, and from the way he speaks of her she is amazing. she's in virginia like me, but than again most virginia woman are amazing. well some. eh i consider myself pretty wonderful btw. lol. wow that was very cocky of me oh well. i feel that it's true, don't really care if you don't. but yea i wish him the best of luck, if you see this Jay, you can talk to me about it, i'll just listen if you like. no judging or anything a straight open mind and heart. i know i was all over the place in all of that too, i just get so side tracked.

eh alright i'm on crushspot right, for those who got pages know what i'm speaking of. some these people are fucking retarded or something like i spoke to a dude from virginia in a thread smh he said some dumb shit about weed i was like wtf you don't even know what your talking about and shit, nigga said sour diesel was just weed with embalming fluid, i don't know who he gets his shit from but the sour diesel i had was not no shit like that, it was just some really good green. some people are so twisted and don't know what the fuck they are talking about, i want to try some different kinds of kush for real, they got different kinds out a nigga i talked to told me he was smoking some pineapple kush and it kinda tasted like pineapples like word?? and another said he had some chocolate kush and that shit was absolutely amazing. i want some. plus i would like to try some cali bud, i'll probably never do it tho. =/ maybe one day, maybe one day lol you never know for real. i need to get a hold of some that shit Brandon be smoking whew lord. he be talking about all this shit with different names i want to try them too. lmaoo. shit. i need to move to a more urban area, this out in the middle of no where is fucking up my weed connects and my weed smoking, plus the different weed i can get. aha good thing for family members that smokeeeee lol. i need one of there connects for real, my sister in law be getting some good ass bud, she never tell me the name tho i know she use to fuck with kom-bud. i don't even know if that's how you spell it for real. shit be nice tho. i know she get some real good regular bud too. yum. i had some when i was at the beach with my other sister in law, had me, her and my other sister high as fuck going to the club. owwww. lol. alright enough about bud, but i just can't get enough of it.

eh alright i think i am done for now, this is one long as blog,
but i guess it wasn't all pointless in the end, and not to too confusing lmao.
yea i am done i still have an hour to go.
well more like half and hour and like 15 mins i guess.
eh i'll find something to do.
maybe a movie.
holler.
=]

274.

2009-08-22T00:36:00.001-04:00

okay so i haven't blogged in a long as time and i need too.
i went on vacation like a week ago right,
shit was wild, i met my ex, he was straight,
we ain't do shit tho, i hugged him hi and bye the end.
i met some crack heads lmao, and i mean alot of them
they was all staying around i guess the motel we stayed at,
locals. smh they be wilding ahahaha.
one even asked for a metal spoon.
straight head forreal.
um it was pretty fun,
i had a niggas ask me to fuck him,
ehhh no. he was dumb skinny and dark as fuck.
not really like my type nor some shit i'd do in the first place.
i did have a blast, the last night i met like 6 niggas,
and they was funny as fuck but drunk.
i told em they was scared to holler at shorty
because they was straight stairing dumb hard
and wouldn't holler so they walked with me and talked
one was sexy as fuck, lil light skin dude. mmmmm.
had a few tats and both ears peirced, nice nikes.
yea fly lil nigga, his boys weren't that bad either,
one had dreads the others short fades.
but he was the finest then the nigga with the dreads.
lol anyways i chilled with them for like an hour or two
trying to find them bitches, they was laughing they asses off
because i was cracking on hoes. -dead. funny shit.
i think they thought i was gay. oops oh well. ahaha
it was all fun tho, i might post a few pics of shit i took
shit was nice, for real, i'd like to go back,
they don't really like chubby bitches down there tho,
next year i'm be smaller tho, i want to be 150lbs next summer.
so yea i'm be busting my ass this winter. lol
HOLLER DADDY!
ahahahah i'm a mess.

ocean

sand castle.

neptune

11 stories up.

giant beach balls.

my name in the sand.

i have more,
but do you really want to see them
maybe a later day.
dial up & tiny pic. = horrible
dial up period = gay.

but anyways.
me and derrick had our fall out i guess,
well somthing like that -shrugs.
i told him how i felt and i know it hurts him
but why keep leading him on
when i know its not going anywhere,
i'm truely sorry, but i can't change what you did.
nor how i feel about it no matter how hard i try.
i just seem to get more pissed off,
so its best we go our seprate ways
but we can still be cool. k.
i got mad love for you.

jaime is fucking amazing,
she helps me threw so much shit
i swear i be taking her for granted
i love this bitch, she's great
she has been a big factor in my life latley and i love her
if i didn't have her i don't know what i'd do
especially recently with everything i've been going through
i've had so much on my mind its rediculous.
thanks babe i love you <3

brittany is fucking awesome.
okay, seriously.
she is the best mini twin ever
she goes through so much shit like me
its rediculous
we kinda look alike too,
not facial wise,
but shape, size and all that,
yea that's my twin.
cutie too, just younger. <3
ily boo.

on another note, i've been talking to this other guy,
he's a sweet heart,
and he really likes me.
we just started talking recently.
i've kept him under wraps,
and that's how i want it to stay,
you don't need to know his name or anything
so yea. that's enought.

i got two new shirts.
one i got in virginia beach
the other i got at target lol.
don't hate, shit was fly.
one says i'm in virginia bitch.
the other says one night stand ahha.
<3
shit its pretty great for real lol
i'll show you both of them
k. k.

&

well shit, football season has started
and you know your girl is a big fan
football is amazing
the viking are playing now
i hope they win for my boo lewan <3
he is like the biggest vikings fan ever.
ahah i love it, i wish these niggas the best of luck
plus they have brett farve he not doing all that great
but shit will get better.
boo i'm rooting for your team. <3
ily.
plus they just got a touch down. lol.
go jackson!
10 - 7.
holler. lol.

damn
i think that is all i have to say,
oh my fat ass is getting a candy apple tomorrow,
i'm excited i told lewan i wanted one the other night
so yea i'm happy ahaha. <3
true words of a fatty
but one who lost 75 lbs,
got another 75 to go
HOLLER! =]
and yea that makes me 225 stfu bitch
i use to be 300 so go fuck yourself.
its lighting it scared the shit outta me.
omg and thunder good lord.
this is some bull shit.
i hate storms.

anyways,
i'm done good bye tell next time.
peace & love.
good night.

273.

2009-08-05T23:34:00.000-04:00

wow so i haven't blogged since the 17th and i so need too,
but i really don't feel like it lmaoo. so yea.
but let me blog anyways.

my trip in Maryland was pretty great.
it always is, being with my sister is amazing.
i still want to meet more dudes. lmao.
but in due time of being up there more
it shall happen lmao. =]
so yea. i had a blast.
they are amazing up there.

my past few weeks back i been chillin'
trying to get shit ready for this coming week
because i am going to the beach.
HOLLER =]
i'm suppose to see my ex, De'Angelo.
and maybe Derrick <3
but i don't know we will see what happens
De'Angelo and me are suppose to hang out Sunday.
hopefully we will. so yea. lol.
there is no sex tho so don't trip out.
some y'all be thinking i'm fuck any thing or any one.
no not happening i'm still a virgin and i'm staying that way.
so stfu. sheeshhh fuckers.
so yea..

past two days i been sick as fuck,
and it's fucking bull shit.
i hate being sick
i mean i could understand if i didn't feel so well
but i been puking my brains out ugh. =/
which is some bull shit that's the worst part.

uh i've ttok some new pictures
and i'm more showing how my body looks,
i use to not really take those type of pictures
because i weighted so much,
but where i've lost 75lbs
i might as well show off a little
weight tell i loose the rest i'm loose
i'm be the shit.
not like i can get any cockier than i am tho,
so don't think i ain't big headed.
but don't get that wrong,
i'm not the sexiest bitch on earth
other bitches are way prettier than me
but to me i'm be the sexiest chick i can be
and believe it i am <3 ahaha.

anyways i'll post a picture.
and yea the end.
i miss smoking.
but i am going to smoke next week
HOLLER!
lmaoo. <3
uh the end.

PEACE!

272.

2009-07-17T01:08:00.000-04:00

okay so the last time i blogged was July 3rd
lets update you on some things, lol.

July 5th.
my brother Robbie And My Sister Erica's Birthday.
no they are not twins, nor are they from the same woman.
my family is very complicated. so you'd have to know me to know it.
=/
ask about it, anyways. Robbie is 24 and Erica is 18.
i got Erica drunk and high. =]
then she left me and had birthday sex with her boo.
smh. some bull shit, i want to start having sex.
i want to see what they hyph is all about.
damn you none virgin fuckers. ihy.
not really. i choose to be this way.
=]

anyways. for the past few weeks i have been staying at this resort
its not all that great i fucks with it tho,
because i can go swimming all day,
and i love to swim so yea. =]
i've gotten a lot darker i'm not so pale anymore.
HOLLERRRRR.
fuck you bryant, i'm not white! =]
but i can still be your white girl. <3
fuck face.
i doubt he even reads this shit tho.
eh all me and my boo's are doing well.
since i tend to cake a lot as some one said.
fuck youuu btw. =]

i've been so aggravated lately,
and i know why but that's besides the point,
maybe my attitude will be better soon.
i made my mother cry, i didn't mean too
i really didn't i just had an attitude and blew up
i'm sorry mama. <3 lol.
i didn't meant to hurt you.

eh this past week has been dumb long,
i've had my little sister all week,
she'd been alright tho,
she has her moments where i want to kill her,
i looked at her today and was like i want to fucking kill you.
and she laughed and ran off.
like WTF little girl.
i hate kids.
well the ones in my family.

eh lets see music,
Jay Adams And QuikKash dropped a new song,
it's pretty dope. btw.
if i had the link i'd post it.

um Maino's album dropped,
i didn't think i was a fan, but his album isn't that bad to be honest
i'd rather listen to him than wayne any day of the week any minute to an hour.
lol he got this joint called floating and that's my shit.
^_^

oh yea Fabolous album leaked, i am buying it btw.
but i did download it because i was feining
and couldn't wait it out tell the 28th lol.
he got a mini movie/movie thing with it
or something the premiere was tonight.
i want to seeeee it.
he is my favorite rapper.
i got all his CD's
he's my only obsession.
only rapper/famous person i'd try to fuck for real.
lmaoooo. i'm so weird.
my ex hated i fucked with him so hard
nigga was jealous of the fact i loved fab so much.
eh but shit happens so yea.
still.
him>you.

eh lets see what else is coming up and all.
the 29th i'm going to see Nickleback in concert.
^_^
wish you could be there huh?
yea i know, shit's going to be crazyyyyy.
um next Tuesday i am going to Maryland tell Saturday.
so i won't be around that whole time. hollerrrr =]

oh yea and in August i'm going to the beach
i'll blog way before then but i'm letting you whores know now.
9th - 16th.
i might see my ex when i go,
and my new boo mike <3 =]
no sex tho so chill.
=|
fuck face ass sluts.
owwwww

B's crazy and he called me Girlfriend Number 2.
is he out his rabbit ass mind. lmao
maybe he is just a little.
i don't know he told me he loved me,
so i think the weed done got to his brain
impairing his judgment and shit. =/

eh i know this blog is long as fuck and it don't really say shit
but random ass shit, but clearly i don't give a fuck.
and i got a few bad bitches, excuse the fact i called them bitches,
because my chicks are the best.
you can't fuck with my girls.

okay pause, i have some bad news,
for those who know, my sister in law had/has
Hodgkin lymphoma, well she had finished chemo
well now she had to go take a test to see if it was gone,
and the doctor called her back and told her it wasn't.
so i think she has to get a bone marrow transplant,
and go through more chemo, and the sad part,
was that her hair was starting to grow back. =/
she had a benefit not to long ago,
i had posted pictures and all than.
she's beautiful, really young,
it's terrible she has to go through all of this,
and it effects her son and my brother,
plus the rest of us.
i pray things go well.

eh you know what else sucks,
i have an eat infection,
i hate these bastards
i always get them
and they make my whole side my face hurt
to the point i just want to lay in bed and no move.
it hurts like hell, they have fucked with my hearing too
which sucks like ass. =/
ehhh i hope it's gone soon.
-puts meds in ear.

yea i'm done tho,
new song,
new image.

peace.

271.

2009-07-03T00:06:00.001-04:00

yee ain't know i had a fat face?
well surprise i sure as hell do.
^_^
i like this picture, i took it with my phone the other night,
talking to my favorite white boy. =] lol.

eh i need new music and a new background,
but i'm to fucking lazy to do shit. lmao.
=/ i'm need some one to make me a banner and find me a song,
because i'm being to lazy to do shit.
tho i could do it myself,
and i need some one to put music on my file den lmao.
smh damn this dial up be whooping my ass yo.
=/
i even think some the niggas i fuck with have been releasing shit
and i can't even get any of that, some bull shit.

eh my wife told me to blog, tho i don't really have shit to say,
i been going to the pool a lot,
i've been getting hella dark, HOLLER =] lmao.
guess i'm have to show you a pic at the end of the summer
so you will see how dark i have gotten,
because the summer just getting started
and i'm not even all that dark quite yet,
mom said i need sun screen now,
but fuck it i'm see how brown i can get.
^_^ lol.

this weekend and following week,
i'm be at this resort and shit,
they having fireworks tomorrow,
and a band Saturday,
best believe the girl getting drunk
and my sister just bought a quarter,
i'm smoke that shit up too, she needs me to roll anyways.
ahah =] she can't do the shit it's hilarious.
i guess i'll have to take pictures of all that too,
myspace about to get a shit load of pictures of me
i got about 10 to put on that bitch now, i don't know if i am tho.
owwwwwwwww thank god it's Friday tho. 12:02.
July 2nd was yesterday. it was Jonathon's and my little sisters birthday,
i hope he had a good birthday, my little sisters a bitch tho,
so she didn't like hers, damn 10 year old. lol.
eh i guess i'm done tho. i ain't got shit else to say.

some one find me a banner and some new music.
or make it.
kthnx.

peace & love.

270.

2009-06-24T14:14:00.001-04:00

so my wife told me i needed to blog, but so does shit tho.
she's in love with some guy still, but its all good,
i'm happy for her. i just hope he treats her well,
if they end up getting together, if he breaks her heart again
i will stab him tall fucking ass in his face.
and cut out his fucking eye balls and sow his mouth shut.
on some real shit, he better not test me. =|
anyways i really don't have shit to say,
nothing has happened since the last time i blogged.

well except i have a new boo, well we not together or anything,
but he's my movie partner late at night <3 =]
we are going to watch Borat on friday lmaoo,
i have yet to see this movie, so this will be my first,
he's seen it i don't know how many times tho,
plus we watched bad boys2 last night.
liar liar, and some other movie too another night lol.
i showed you him in my last blog, i'll post him again.
he's pretty sexy, plus we have the same shirt.
we going have sex in them together, watch. lmao. =] j/k.

anyways, this nigga Brandon, always wants to call some one when he's high.
don't talk to me when he's sober, but will blow my phone up high as fuck.
i didn't feel well that night either, he lucky i called him back after he woke me up.
i ended up having an anxiety attack when i did so i had to tell him i'd call him back in min.
lmaooo. shh don't tell him, because i told him some one was up in the house,
and i wanted to see who, tho some one was i knew who and what they was doing.
nigga was wiling he said some thing that shocked me at first, but he said it more than once.
kinda awkward to come from him, but eh i guess it is what it is. -shrugs.
i didn't believe what he was saying tho. =/ oops. =]

um yea i talked to derrick too, he is tripping about this army shit hes about to do,
tho i don't want him to do it i will support his decisions.
i just hope he doesn't end up going into war or anything,
but he's only suppose to be a computer geek for them or some.
i don't know what he was going to do some kinda computer service shit, lol.
if he gets to sign up and it goes through he will be going to boot camp soon.
so yeaaa =/ its all good tho, i want to go to kings dominion with him,
every time we try to plan something it always gets canceled and shit comes up.
it's all good tho, one day we will go to kings dominion together =] lol.

than i was reading Jay's blog, and he is really in love with his girl,
and i'm so happy for him, it's hard to find love,
and i'm really glad he found it he deserves too,
he's a great amazing guy, and deserves the best.
and i think his girl is the best for him.
that's there business tho but you should read his blog,
i'll post his link. =] k.
Jay.

Peace & Love.

269.

2009-06-17T23:46:00.000-04:00

okay so i haven't blogged since the 8th, and then it really wasn't a blog,
it was just conversations between me and a few people.
booo. =/ lol.

so last recap some important things that have happened,
or well at least worth hearing about. -shrugs.
oh yea i had been staying at my grandmothers,
because i left home on the 4th
but i had came back home on the 12th.
i hate not having cell phone service here.
that's one the reasons i stayed out so long.
-dead.
oh yea we caught a turtle in the yard.
he was pretty fucking cool.
i picked him up.
^_^
i'll show you him.

June 12th. My Grandfathers well would of been 70th Birthday,
but he passed away last year. [sept.2nd.]
it was an alright day tho for real, i thought it was going to be super hard.
but it wasn't as hard as i thought it was going to be.
i did go visit his grave, mom put a birthday balloon up there
and some flowers and my birth mom put some flowers up there too,
i don't think any one else put anything else up there tho.
we all went to dinner that night, i wish he could of went,
he would of enjoyed it, he use to love sea food lmaoo.
eh i had an anxiety attack, i hate them fuckers.
it was the the first one i ever had in public,
it scared the shit outta me and every one around me. =/

June 13th. Erica's Graduation <3
i'm happy she graduated, but upset my granddad couldn't of been there.
he was there in spirit tho so its all good.
it didn't last as long as i thought it was going to.
i thought it was going to be from 9 to noon.
but it only lasted an hour and half.
she had more people in her class, but my ceremony was longer last year.
they probably was scared it was going to rain so they rushed.
because it was dark and cloudy lol.

June 14th. Ericas Graduation cook out.
eh boo it was boring i drifted off with Twink and Hesues.
they all ways trying to fuck a bitch tho,
not me thank god, even tho they talked about it.
smh. they wild man, i had to show them Tahiarys ass.
them niggas didn't want to believe me that Joe Buddens girl was bad.
had to show them nigga what was up. lmaoo.
smh ewww plus i seen a bitch Hesues fucked,
nasty he would had to lift that bitch stomach up to hit it.
ughhhhhhhhh lmaooo it was nasty,
and Twink got head from the other bitch
they both nasty for that, Twink is to skinny to be fucking BIG bitches.
Hesues is a little bigger he can get away with it more.
he about 5'9 180 and Twink about 5'9 145 lol. both to small for my taste.

oh yea i met this dude, he's pretty cool.
i've met a bunch of cool dudes lately.
from Jaun, Darielle, Ahamed, Cohlynn.
there all pretty amazing.
only one i have a picture of on my computer is Darielle
he's pretty sexy for a slim dark skinned dude.
i'm use to chunky niggas. =]
but i'll take a slim nigga. lol.
its not like that tho, but i shall still show you him,
he is pretty nice to look at. =]
he called me last night but i def missed it.
=/ i had my phone on silent in my purse.
i'm surprised it even rang tho for real.

eh from now on it pretty sucks since than tho.
i been stuck at home with no cell service.
i hate it! i've been looking into other providers
because at&t just isn't cutting it for real.
so i'm switch soon as i find out who has the best service.
i might go buy some pre paid phones just to see how the service is.
but what a waste of money it would be. lol.
but yea that's all.

peace & love.

268.

2009-06-08T17:30:00.003-04:00

haven't blogged in a minute.
i don't have shit to say,
lets post a convos. k.
Derrick: can i blow the sun up?
Stephanie Babyy: no
Stephanie Babyy: can i fuck fabolous?
Derrick: hell no
Derrick: df
Stephanie Babyy: damn.
Derrick: even if you could i wouldnt allow it
Derrick: UNLESS!
Derrick: i could get jessica alba AND alicia keys
Derrick: at hte same time
Stephanie Babyy: the fuck you mean you wouldn't allow ir.
Derrick: the*
Stephanie Babyy: it*
Derrick: cause i wouldn't
Stephanie Babyy: fuck outta here
Derrick:
Stephanie Babyy: if i had to a chance to fuck that nigga i'd do it.
Derrick: lol
Stephanie Babyy: i'm mad you told me i couldn't
Derrick: like you'd listen to me
Stephanie Babyy: that ain't the point.
Derrick: ugh
Derrick: i was joking
Derrick: hurt me
Derrick: plz
Derrick:
Stephanie Babyy: LMAOOO
Stephanie Babyy: stfu you freak
Derrick:
Stephanie Babyy: you'd say anything for me to put my hands on you, i don't know why you like to be beat during sex.
Derrick: i dont know either
Derrick: i need help
Derrick: lol
Derrick: its like, i dont wanna be spanked or anythign gay like that
Derrick: i dunno
Stephanie Babyy: but you want to be smacked and choked.
Stephanie Babyy: sound like that shit from joe in exxes.
Derrick: you started the choking shit lol
Stephanie Babyy:
Stephanie Babyy: you wanted it.
Derrick: then its your fault
Stephanie Babyy: no it is not.
Derrick: sheeit
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo.

smh this nigga just fucking wild mayne,
he need some help he on that shit like joey said in exxes
on some real shit but fuck it.

him.: damn ma comp lag like a mufucka wen im on cam gm
Stephanie Babyy: its because its to fucking big.
Brandon«¬ .: lol
him.: ?
Stephanie Babyy: idk.
Stephanie Babyy: music
Stephanie Babyy: but all that damn shit you have on it
Stephanie Babyy: delete some your shit.
him.: Stephanie«¬: its because its to fucking big.

dat aint sound right Peter Griffin
Stephanie Babyy: fuck your face nigga.
him.: das wut u wanna do
Stephanie Babyy: you asked me to do it tho.
Stephanie Babyy: so fuck up
him.: =))
Stephanie Babyy: its okay, call me out my name you still wanna fuck.
him.: true
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo i thought you was going say some smart ass shit.
him.: loll
him.: like wut
Stephanie Babyy: i don't know its hard to tell you, with a mind like yours, your always a surprise.

this nigga make me wanna choke the fuck outta him
and slap him the fuck around
make me wanna be a nigga beater.
he got some big ass lips tho. yum.

sis: This herble we got from this dude sat
sis: Is so fire
sis: It had me geeking
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo hell naw sis
sis: I couldn't even drive back home
Stephanie Babyy: i ain't smoked since i left from up there.
sis: I had the giggle fits
sis: Lol u don't need to sis
sis: This shit woulda had u wiiiiild
sis: It had me wiiiild as fuck
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo
Stephanie Babyy: i would enjoy'd it tho
Stephanie Babyy: you seen how i act when i'm high straight laid back.
sis: Lol u be trippen my ass out sis
sis: U crazy when u high
sis: Sis u talk just as much as u do online
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo.
Stephanie Babyy: i'm like that anytime
Stephanie Babyy: tho i'm just a talkative mother fucker
sis: Yea & I love it
Stephanie Babyy: lmao.

lmaooo she is so wild,
i can't wait to go back to Maryland in July.
^_^

hm that's all the convos i have for now.
peace.

267.

2009-06-03T02:46:00.001-04:00

i haven't blogged since May 31st it really ain't shit to tell you tho.
shit has just been one big stress ball.
moms told me i need to go back on my Zoloft
she said my manic outbursts are to much for her.
smh i can't help it.
my chest has been bothering me again
i guess my anxiety and shit acting up.
its hard to breathe at times like i got some one sitting on me.

anyways, the NBA finals start tomarrow.
who taking it?
i say Magic might got this for real.
plusss they got a good line up when they play right
so we shall see.
plus i got to root against Corrie, Jay, Brandon, J'Shuan, and all my other laker fans.
^_^

i had a dream the other night and it scared the shit outta me.
well it didn't scare me it just shook me up a bit.
it was so weird tho for real.
i had got a job out in Cali so i moved out there.
but i was dumb small, i mean i ain't that big anymore.
but i mean like 125lbs small.
and i ended up with this nigga,
but his mother hated me tho,
on some your taking my baby away from me and shit.
so i told this nigga, and he said it be hot if it came true.
nigga was loving the fact i had a dream about him.
shit is wilding i don't even dream tho,
so i was shook like a mother fucker.

smh.

i don't do relationships.
i haven't been in one since early 2007.
and i'm happy with that.
but niggas are so desperate tho,
asking and shit you want a nigga.
NO I DON'T!
if i wanted to be with you i would tell you!

my days have been to mother fucking long lately,
that's all you need to know and shit.
good night and peace

266.

2009-05-31T01:13:00.000-04:00

Convo Time. =]

Corrie: :]
Stephanie Babyy: -trips kobe.
Stephanie Babyy: ^_^
Corrie: in your dreams.
Stephanie Babyy: all the time.
Stephanie Babyy: =]
Corrie: pshhhh
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo.
Corrie: get ready to have them championship dreams with kobe hoistin the trophy and odom and gasol pourin gatorade on Phil Jackson yeaaaaah! lol
Stephanie Babyy: i'm stabbing them niggas in my dreams
Stephanie Babyy: i'm evil as fuck in them.
Corrie: psh.
Corrie: You must wanna end this convo now huh? lol
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo
Stephanie Babyy: ily.
Corrie: ily2 but you need to learn to love my team
Stephanie Babyy: i'm sorry i just love to push your buttons.
Corrie: my buttons are purple and gold
Stephanie Babyy: word

lmaooo man i love pushing his buttons when it comes to the lakers, i don't hate them.
i just love to push Laker fans buttons.
^_^
plus he just makes it so much fun.

omg Dane Cook is fucking hilarious i just watched ISolated INcident on comedy central,
shit was so fucking funny my chest and stomach hurst from laughing at this nigga yo.
lmaoo omg. smh wild as fuck.
i'm about to watch Katt Williams tho. =]

today was fucking great tho i spent the day at the pool,
watched the basketball game.
MAGIC WON!
fuck lebron. =]
Lakers VS Magic.
who's taking it?

people are such haters. =]

my chest still hurts tho.
the end.

265.

2009-05-28T02:30:00.001-04:00

smh damn i ain't blogged in a minute i really don't got shit to say.
shit been stressing me out like a mother fucker lately.
shit starting to get hectic as a mother fuckers.
i'm glad i took that vacation type thing in Maryland,
because if i didn't i probably lost my damn mind.
being at this house is killing me inside
it's really driving me insane.
sometimes i wonder why i didn't go ahead with my plans.
then i realized i couldn't because my granddad was sick and passing away.
it be a year he's been gone Sept. 2nd. it still feels like yesterday.
sometimes i wonder when they tell me i'm insane it's the truth
some days i feel it's true and i wanna kill mother fuckers.
other days i'm straight calm and collective.
other days i need shit to keep me grounded
i'm get shit back on track by this fall tho.
i have to get myself back under control.

today was to fucking long and tomorrow about to be longer,
some one is walking around in my house i got some sharp ass ears sometimes
other times i can't hear worth fuck.
my grandmother and them coming over tomorrow at like 8 am.
this blog makes no fucking sense and i'm rant my ass on away. shit.

eh anyways i had a conversation with some one yesterday i liked/like some days.
and it kinda put some things into perspectives for me in some ways.
i do know why the nigga likes me, which helps understand some of his actions.
some days he be the nicest nigga and i want to spend time talking too.
other days i can't fucking stand him and i want to bust him in the mouth.
rude as fuck huh yea i know it is. but fuck it i'm be on my baddest shit. oww.
we talked about his tattoos he want's to get tonight, i hope they work out.
good luck with your drama ass relationship and girlfriend.

my sister N'dya is sick, i hope she feel better for real,
she got strep throat, she needs an anti-biotic.
Derek sick too, i hope he feels better also.
i feel like some one is really standing on my chest.
where are my pain pills & muscle relaxers. lord.
i need a blunt and a few drinks.
-breathes deep.
i hate you
&
good night.

264.

2009-05-25T04:14:00.000-04:00

wowww i haven't blogged in a minute i been dumb busy with shit tho.

i met this nigga right and he is driving me up the damn wall.
1. we not together
2. he is like 29
3. i'm only 19
4. this nigga live in jersey but he from down here.
5. he to fucking pressed for his own good
nigga be calling my house, i new i should blocked my number every time i called him
smh that's why i wish i had cell phone service but where i stay be fucking up everything
especially because i don't need no random niggas calling my house like this one.
smh nigga be running wild just like bitches, i told him he need to be shook.
he wanted me to call him tonight but i don't want too.
thank god he doesn't know i'm online.
or he would be having a jealous bitch fit like we would be together.
nigga no.

lord lets see i been watching the NBA playoff Celtics had got kicked out.
it's all good i'm not even mad i don't really care who wins the finals.
rookie of the year may have been giving to derrick rose,
but the way my little nigga Courtney Lee is playing he should have got it
nigga been dunking on Lebron like crazy, and tell me that ain't bad for a rookie.
he a bad little dude, fine as fuck too. i want a nigga that's tall like Howard tho, a giant <3 =]
matter fact i'm watch the first part of this third game i missed.
smh at knowing mostly what happens, i do wanna see Courtney dunk on Lebron.
smh i don't know if y'all see that reporter with the colorful suits but he be cracking me up.

my nigga jay <3 =] this nigga improved my damn night and all.
even tho i don't have the whole convo part thing from twitter
this part is the only part that you need to even see.
he said he was moving to Richmond, i'd love to hang out with him.
he's rather intimidating to me some times.
he's so fucking smart if he ever read my blog,
he'd probably choke me for all my punctuations and shit.
he's still an amazing giant =] lmao.
anyways look. =]

ehhh another thing i hate is bull shitting ass niggas, i hate using names.
so i'm just call this nigga Cutie. so his identity stays unidentified lmao.
anyways this nigga always ask for the house number so i give it to him
but this nigga always bullshitting on me tho, he never call.
he the first person to get the house number and actually call,
but now a nigga play to damn much and shit, mean damn why lie.
or why even ask keep on doing you while i do me playa, i'm tired of the games.

263.

2009-05-20T00:38:00.002-04:00

lets blog i haven't since Thursday, wild huh? yea i know but anyways.
this blog going to be long as fuck. so yea. =]

Friday - lord that was a long ass day, i got up and got ready for the day, at like 9
i had to wash clothes and pack and everything to the 5th. i didn't finish tell like 3.
i left here at 5 or 6 ish i guess it was around that time.
it was only N'dya and Derrick i was kinda happy that the other girl ain't come.
i don't really know her like that, but I've at least talked to Derrick.
my family is crazy tho because they was acting fools. lmaoo.
we had stopped in Manassas and went to checkers/rally's.
i got me some fries, i can't be having fast food like that.
i have to watch what i eat and drink, shit lol.
um we left there and then when we got into Annapolis we stopped at the liquor store
them mother fuckers ain't even card people tho, lol but yea it is what it is.
hm than we stopped by her aunt Candy's they are so crazy over there.
but damn if the niggas wasn't fucking fine as hell.
i was trying to kid nap niggas, but i didn't so don't worry.
we left there took derrick to get his car than went back over there.
they was having a party in the back of the apt. buildings.
we smoked and i was high as fuck lord was i high. -dead.
we left from there and when we got back to her house
she braided the back of my hair up, and shit. lol
i was to high to even care what she was doing.
knocked out about 6 the next morning.

Saturday - lord i think we got up at like 9ish got ready.
went to get breakfast and after that we picked up something from a store
delivered that shit to her aunt Candy's lord. after that we went to the mall.
i tried on some jeans, they was bad, i ain't get em tho. i should of. smh
but i'm still losing weight, because i'm another size smaller now. woot.
that means i've went down, 5 sizes. yea, bad huh. i know it.
my sister told me i was working it, i said i know because i'm the baddest
we went to spencer's and i got N'dya a gift for her birthday. hit on the dude working
i really just wanted to pull on his dreads tho for real, he was cute too.
just a little to skinny for my taste, but still fine enough, yum dreads.
we than went to the car so we could smoke, i swear i stayed high in Maryland.
its hard as hell remembering any of this shit i'm getting a head ache trying to remember.
we watched next day air high as fuck tho, i do remember that lmao.
we left there went to some more stores, went back home after that and changed.
than we went over ot her aunt Candy's for the party at like 8ish or 9ish. lmaoo.
i know i'm forgetting shit, oh yea we picked up Derrick too. lol.
i know there was so much weed in that mother fucking place it was crazy
every one was smoking the fuck up, i was high as shit.
i thought this dude name jay was fine he was there with her dad tho.
he was pretty young tho i think like in his 20's no more than that.
-shrugs. Derrick passed the fuck out on the couch. lmaoo he was so fucked up.
it was funny as fuck tho because every one kept messing with that nigga
and all he wanted to do was just sleep right there.
i laie up beside him at one point i was to high to move
i was just watching everything one and laughing.
i did get my tattoo recolored. =] thank fucking god,
that shit looked like hell has smacked me on my arm
it hurt more the second time than the first, probably because i was so high and drunk.
who knows but yea but i know we ain't leave there tell like 3:30
got back to her place and knocked the fuck out. lmao.

Sunday - Her Birthday. =] N'dya, Derrick & myself all got up and got ready for the day.
went and smoked up, smh why are we smoking so much i don't know but we are. =] lol
um where all did we go, i don't even remember i know we went to get something to eat
that shit was crazy for real, we thought we was going into a grill place
and that place was way different than what we thought.
we did have this fine young waiter tho, he was straight hitting on my sister
like damn nigga. lmaooo shit was wild tho.smh took forever for everything tho.
i got some pizza, N'dya got lasagna and Derrick got a WHOLE chicken lmao
we went to the movies too and seen angle and demons that was a good movie
i wish i could watched the book before i seen the movie tho but oh well.
after that we went back to her place, Derrick went back to b-more.
N'dya and I smoked up and talked about some things, than we got on the line
lmao shit was straight crazy, wasn't no cute dudes on there.
N'day passed out on me tho lol, it was crazy. for real. lol
i ended up on the phone with some dude -shrugs i can't even pronounce his name tho.
lmaoo smh i didn't go to sleep tell like 7am or some shit. it was wild.

Monday - got up at like 10 we was going to go to b-more but we didn't
it took us for ever to get ready by the time we was it was like 1.
smh there was no way we was going to b-more with no time to check it out.i
i wanted to see everything and see people and admire them b-more niggas.
i love the way they talk, lmao. i love how new yorkers talk too.
but b-more niggas say shit a certain way and its attractive. lol
we kinda just really chilled that day, did some shopping and got some lunch.
Derrick came over at 5 and we got ready to leave Maryland.
we stopped in Manassas to go to the mall.
its nothing like Annapolis mall, but it has my favorite store in it.
my moms and them met us there, we all went shopping and shit.
got me an outfit. like i said i went down a size in jeans.
i got a couple more sizes to go, fuck with meeeee lol.
after N'dya and Derrick left i went on home to hell. =/
i wish i could stayed in Maryland i really liked it there for real.
called some nigga and chilled the rest the night.

Tuesday. - i didn't do anything today i rested that weekend was the longest ever
but it was absolutely amazing tho i can't even lie tho i want to go back and soon.
eh but yea i watched the basketball game tonight.
i watched American idol, & dancing with the stars.
i'm chill for the rest of the night than bed.
hopefully that random ass nigga won't call me.
he a little to old for me. he going to be 30.
i'm only 19, i'll be 20 in November.
so yea i had a blast, hope you weekend was amazing too.

peace.

262.

2009-05-14T00:57:00.001-04:00

this is going to be a blog full of convo's. =] owwwwwwwwwwww.
actual nams other than my own have been removed.

buttercup's status: these pears go hard!!!! word to dr seuss.
Stephanie Babyy: fuck your pears =]
buttercup: u want some huh
Stephanie Babyy: nah.
Stephanie Babyy: i had some pineapples earlier.
buttercup: u aint offer me none???
Stephanie Babyy: it was way earlier
Stephanie Babyy: like at noon.
buttercup: so
buttercup: its over ma
Stephanie Babyy: when was we together
buttercup: 10 secs ago
Stephanie Babyy: lmao. i don't do relationships. =]
buttercup: u did
Stephanie Babyy: well that's the reason why i don't do em
Stephanie Babyy: because they never last.
buttercup: ours is
Stephanie Babyy: how is it lasting, you just broke up with me lol.
buttercup: we bout to get back together
Stephanie Babyy: lol if you say so.
buttercup: u givin it up?
Stephanie Babyy: no, i'm willing to work on this.
buttercup: lmao
buttercup: uh
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo.
buttercup: i meant the pussy
Stephanie Babyy: -dead. i def read what you said wrong. but i'll think about giving it up.
buttercup: this aint gone work out if u dont
Stephanie Babyy: oh word, alright then.
buttercup: aight aight
buttercup: ima fukk other bitches til u ready
buttercup: ok
Stephanie Babyy: alright that's fine, just use protection.
buttercup: ok cool
Stephanie Babyy: mhm.

this nigga is fucking hilarious.
-dead.

Cutie: she likes you
Stephanie Babyy: yea the bitch loves me.
Cutie: tell her youre my bitch
Stephanie Babyy: i am?
Cutie: of course you are
Stephanie Babyy: hm okay.
Cutie: is that a problem?
Stephanie Babyy: nah, i just didn't know it.
Cutie: im kidding tho
Cutie: =]
Stephanie Babyy: that's what i thought.

smh at this nigga tho.

okay enough of that i don't have any more convo's right now.
for those who know about my granddad passing from brain cancer
i got a call today from my uncle, they said they found a tumor in his brain
and that they said he has lymphoma, which is a form of cancer.
i'm not happy about this shit at all, he already supposedly got dementia,
and he crazy as fuck if you remember back in 2007 i was staying in Arlington for a minute
because of his ass and all that was going on with him, shit was fucking crazy.
i broke up with a good person because i couldn't handle him plus my family. sorry.
i don't think i'm go visit him tho, because where i'm leaving Friday,
only way we going to visit is if we do it later on today, since it is Thursday now.

next topic. i spent my whole last night talking on the phone with Derrick,
Jaime was on the phone with us, but she def dipped out,
so me and this nigga talked for fucking hours.
smh shit was funny as fuck, we talked about a lot of music.
mostly that's it. um i think basketball to and that's it.
i'm still mad Jaime rushed me to call both them
and the phones was acting up like wtfff ugh lol.
than Jaime rushed off the damn phone,
talking about her phone died.
leaving me stranded and shit on the phone with him. lol.
its okay i still love her, and him for that matter. =]

i'm talking to my sister Erica now.
lord she's telling me about how my grandma is acting
i mean i know the bitch is fucking psycho and all
but i don't think she meant for Erica to get out
after she graduates. i know i left but that's because i wanted too
and i couldn't stay with that psycho after my granddad passes.
he is what held that family together and he's gone now. =/
my grandmother is psycho and she babies the fuck outta my oldest sister.
like after my sister had her baby its like her, her boyfriend and the baby
are like fucking 5 and can't do shit in the house or outside in the yard.
smh shit needs to be controlled in that house. fucking psycho asses, all of them.

so i'm leaving tomorrow [Friday] for Maryland.
i really hope i have a good time.
i mean of course it's probably going to be great
because my sister is amazing so yea.
i still have to get everything together & clean
lmao i been slacking like a mug.
its fucking rediculous. lol.

261.

2009-05-13T01:01:00.001-04:00

wow so its wednesday already, lmao lord and i'm leaving friday.
i need to start getting shit together so friday i'm ready to leave.
i'm dumb excited to be spending 4 days in maryland.
i got to figure what all i'm taking with me.
i'm a terrible packer. lmaooo. so yeaaa.
i got to get shit ready and make sure i have everything.
i still have no idea what me and my sister are going to get into
but what ever it is i hope we have fun.
even if its just us staying at the house.
eh but enough of that.

celtics game was amazing.
my niggas can play under some pressure.
Pierce & Davis.
Davis had like 22 points.
Pierce had 19.
i wish house would played more, but he is terrible on D.
i hope KG can suit up if they beat the magic.
i don't know i thought they said he couldn't tho.
but maybe the Doc's would clear him.

the lakers game lord
i know right now that the lakers are killing the rockets
the rockets need to get shit together if they want a chance to win
but i don't think they will beat the lakers so fuck it.

i had a convo with some one tonight,
they are an interesting character.
made me realize some shit in a twisted way.
so yea i'm start being on some other shit.
hope you don't mind because i don't give a fuck.

smh at me and this dude talking about quit smoking,
he smoke new ports and weed.
said it take him at least 3 blunts to get high,
nigga said he needed to stop because he got bills
i told him to stop for a month or so let that shit get outta his system
he'd feel the difference than, that's why i only smoke every blue moon.
i don't got time and money to be wasting on weed when i got bills.
but i wish the nigga the best of luck.

i hate being rushed for anything, like the fuck.
i'll do it when i'm fucking ready.

260

2009-05-11T01:40:00.001-04:00

so yea today was one of those days where i hate every one.
i mean don't get me wrong i was happy that it was mothers day,
because my mother means the world to me.
but i couldn't even enjoy it because i was on some fuck every one mode.
i have some crazy ass mood swings, i don't even understand them.
like one day can be totally amazing, and another can just be fuck YOU!
it's fucking crazy for real, it can even happen with in a few hours.
i think i need to start smoking again on a daily bases, maybe that will help.
because that shit does calm me way the fuck down.
but i really don't want to do that, i like it on some casual shit.
Maybe its because i been sober for so long, i haven't drank in almost a month.
well it would be a month May 24th aren't you proud of me!
i need to get my mood swings under control.

FUCK YOU THO! =]
& i wanna stab niggas in there faces.
and push bitches down stairs.

3 days tell i leave for Maryland. =] i think
well fuck it i leave on Friday so wtf ever it is lol.

259.

2009-05-10T01:50:00.000-04:00

lord, so today was so fucking long. i woke up and finished up a book i had started to read two days ago, the book was pretty nice, interesting story for sure. i have two more to read. =] i might start one tomorrow i don't know tho its going to be a long day.

eh anyways back today i took the kiddies to the carnival spent $24 just for them to ride and about 50 in other bull shit like there cotton candy, games, and all there food. i had a funnel cake & a candy apple, fuck the other bull shit every one else was eating. it was good to see a few familiar faces, rack of old heads i had went to school with and about eight people that lived up the block from me when i actually lived at my grandmothers. oh yea and i wanted this big ass penguin that was bigger than me but i couldn't win it, left the carnival about 11:00. smh we was there probably for four hours or longer. i was suppose to go to a party after wards but i decided not to i was already tired and my feet where killing me from them little ass flats i wore.

i got in an argument with my parents too about me going to Maryland btw that's happening in like 4 days. =] i'm dumb excited for real tho. i talked to Dee yesterday and told him i might be able to come through Baltimore and see him, but i don't know if its going to happen. =/ maybe we can go to a club in B-more and he can come through. =] I'm so excited to see my sister N'dya tho, shes amazing. =] <3
she wrote a blog about me you should read it.
N'dya
i love you sis.

eh that was about my day the past few days have been bull shit, Celtics pissed me off yesterday, well Friday because its Sunday now so all that happened Saturday lol.
oh yea.

Happy Mothers day to my Mother, the most amazing woman on this world. =]

Happy Mothers Day to Angie Cakes & Jaime.
I love you two ladies & your babies are so fucking cute.

Happy Mother Day to the other mothers too.

258.

2009-05-07T00:11:00.000-04:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh 8 days tell i go to Maryland. =] wooot. i can't wait.

i kind of miss some of the people that aren't really playing rolls in my life anymore.
but people move on and forward so what ever.

OFF DERRICKS BLOG: "Im getting closer n closer to actually making something that electrocutes females when they talk too much [inside joke] and Jaime is the first person im using it on. why? cause I can. id attempt to use it on Steph, but like that will result in my death and I dont want that lol *runs for his life just for thinking that*"

smh this nigga done lost his damn mind i'm fuck him up. talking about electrifying some one. fuck outta here nigga i will bust your ass. that's why you knew better than to say you was going to use it on me because i will choke the shit outta you. smh oh yea and i gotta read your blog to find out when you going to boot camp. i'm fuck you up two times.

celtics game <3 damn they played pretty good tonight, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than monday. =] whew, eddie house baybee, 31 points and rondo wow, that lil dude is bad. i can't belive how pierce ain't even play tho because he kept getting fouled, like damn nigga, and that dude that slapped eddie should been kicked out! fucking fucker. but it's cool tho eddie remained cool so he could stay in the game and SCORE on them niggas. =] whew. he did GREAT tonight, he was the highlight of my night whew. boy. =] celtics & orlando 1 : 1 celtics need to win in orlando. lakers played tonight too well are playing they just started there 3rd quarter and well yea that's all. i kinda wish they'd lose but i don't know.

convo for the day.
status: eddie house <3 =]
MRZ MCCORMICK: whos eddie????
Stephanie Babyy: basketball player.
Stephanie Babyy: for the celtics
Stephanie Babyy: 31 points.
Stephanie Babyy: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW =]
MRZ MCCORMICK: :x
Stephanie Babyy: lmao yes.
MRZ MCCORMICK: ur at his house???
MRZ MCCORMICK: lol
Stephanie Babyy: he got slapped up side his head too for one his 3 points
Stephanie Babyy: noooo.
Stephanie Babyy: da fuck.
MRZ MCCORMICK: oh never mind lol
MRZ MCCORMICK: this is me
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo his name is eddie house.
MRZ MCCORMICK: i gottcha
MRZ MCCORMICK: lol
Stephanie Babyy: you didn't tho.

its kinda late i'm ready to go to bed. =/ i had over slept today, well my little sister turned off my alarm clock and went back to bed knowing she had school, slick ass kid. lmao. so she didn't go to school again today, she was dumb sick yesterday tho. so oops oh well long as i get up tomorrow, good night.

257.

2009-05-05T01:44:00.000-04:00

so new layout & song, BITCH. =]

hope you like it, don't care if you do or don't tho.

oh yea and you tumblr mother fuckers,how y'all migrate from blog spot to therefuck all y'all, cheating ass fuckers.

so ummm today, wack as fuck, i was in a bad mood from the time i woke up.
which is so fucking terrible like wtf how you wake up mad?
is that even possible? smh i guess so because i did.
anyways enough about that, no need to know what all went on..

basketball i could of killed the celtics like wtf is them niggas thinking?
celtics all fucked up and shit, i love them niggas tho.
but i think the Orlando Magic might have them this round.
fucking fuckers, and wtf was up with the Lakers?
i thought they would of won there game, the Rockets might be a threat.

oh yeaaaaa yoooo i can't wait for the fucking 15th to come, i'm going to spend the weekend in Annapolis Maryland with N'dya aka Trixie for those of you who might know her. =] i'm dumb excited i've known her ass since 2003ish. shit but its her Birthday May 17th so we going to have a wonderful weekend i'm be up there from 15th through the 18th. =] hollerrr if you up there. lol.

smh i got some problems but here's your covo for the day. =]
Stephanie Babyy: tell them niggas my names sonny, and i'm the shine of there life.
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo let me shut up.
thee.amphetamine: Ur name is sonny shine
thee.amphetamine: Lol
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo.

256.

2009-05-02T16:09:00.000-04:00

damn its been a minute since i blogged,
the last time i did was when the Jazz beat the Lakers lmao.
damn. um not to much has happened since than.
I mean enough has but not that much.
this going to be a long as blog and rambling so fuck you & read it.

well on ward... niggas are a fucking trip, lets talk about some. =]
ahh do i wanna use names for some of these fools tho?...
fuck it, no one reads this shit but Jaime and Derrick far as i know of. <_<
but lets now use names for security reasons, AHA =]
well the the other night me and some one got into an argument
well we ain't really cool anymore, just a hi bases is about it.
for the fact that the other niggas i use to fuck with knows him,
like i fucking care, i fucked with one like 5 years ago &.
and the other nigga i fucked with 2 years ago. so?
they ain't you and that's my business and my past
i don't regret shit nor think it was wrong.
i did what the fuck i wanted to do, plus they ain't you.
and just because me and them niggas wasn't successful
doesn't mean me and you couldn't of been. but fuck it.

enough of them niggas. on to some other shit,
the basketball games, =/ god damn the Celtics.
they asses better win tonight on some real shit.
man and i 'm so pissed still that they lost the other night
like are you fucking kidding me? BY ONE POINT
plus three of them niggas got fouled out.
are you fucking SERIOUS! smh. damn fools.
that shit really did have me heated, i even got moms watching it tho
they are like the only team i've been rooting for the past two seasons.
i'm still pissed Iverson went to the pistons,
he should of stayed with the nuggets. smh.

uh then not yesterday but the day before, i was on the phone with my sister
she is a fucking trip and a half man, she was drinking, so we got on the line.
if you don't know what the line is its this number people call and talk to strangers
lmaoo. its funny tho because the niggas on there are so sensitive and shit.
i think most the people on there be in DC, Maryland & Virginia.
SMH but them fucking people are so fucking funny.
i stay laughing when we call that thing,
its only fun when its you & some one else is on it tho.
oh yea, Brandon called & i missed the call and didn't call back. oops. =]

okay so yesterday omfg i was so heated all day long i hate fucking children man
i had my little sister who is nine and my nephew who is seven.
smh they asses got up at nine and was bad as fuck
and damn if they don't fight like cats and dogs.
i know i whooped they ass like 3 times.
and had they asses sitting in chairs a bunch of times.
smh but damn if they didn't still act a fool.
they was fighting, breaking up the others shit, and just over the top.
they really made me want to kill them, and they kinda still do shh, tho. =]
but damn tho. shit was just way out of hand.
ohh so yea i ended up texting Brandon see what he wanted the night before.
but it was nothing, it never really is anything. smh.
i called the wifey too. we talked about a rack of shit.
smh about all the fools i let come in and out my life.
"i'm so fucking humble but cocky as hell." lmao. =]
well after i got off the phone with her i got back online
oh yea earlier Derrick had talked to me too.
he asked me to think about letting him have another chance.
well after he comes back from boot camp. =/
i got feelings for derrick but i don't trust derrick.
o_O and Bryant asked me for the house number.
like this nigga didn't have, well he did get a new phone.
i haven't talked to that nigga on the phone since January i think.
lmao he said my attitude is the reason why we only talk every four months,
his cute ass needs to get the fuck outta here with that. lmao.
i was on some rude shit, he said i missed him and i said some smart ass shit
but he always clowning me because i'm so damn pale =/ it ain't my fault.
give me a few months and i'm be dark as he is like BAM! =]
me & him arguing
him: its over
me: we was never together
him: that's right, will you be my boo stephanie
me: no so you can just break up with me
him: laughs- damn you catch on pretty quick
me: nigga i'm not slow.
and then he going to keep asking me
so he can tell me its over.
smh @ him trying to play me like that tho.
its cool tho i still got love for his ass, ol lose face ass nigga.
nigga had me all fucked up tho.

eh enough about yesterday today, i had the kids again,
and i told them this morning when they started to act up at eight
i had a belt in my closet and the next thing i heard out them
they both was going to get fucking beat with it.
so guess what they did?
NEVER MADE A SOUND!
so guess what i got to do! sleep in tell about 11. =]
any ways i checked my phone when i got up,
and i seen some shit i ain't like.
smh people are so quick to say shit they know nothing about.
and what i do i no ones business but my own,
so get the fuck outta here on some real shit.
omg tho i moved the shoe from out in front my door
and my fucking door slams shut by it self.
smh that fucking thing got some issues.
but other than that i been kicking it all day,
i might go out this afternoon.
i'm not sure tho, it all depends.
plus the game is on =/
i'm going to miss it if i go out.
fuck it we will see this afternoon.

BOW CHICKA WOW WOW

PEACE

255.

2009-04-24T00:47:00.000-04:00

buttercup.: "status" - real talk..its some ugly ass bitches on my list..

Stephanie Babyy: if they ugly why not delete them?
buttercup.: i never delete
Stephanie Babyy: oh.
buttercup.: why u gotta hit me up
buttercup.: tryna be smart
Stephanie Babyy: lmao i wasn't i was just asking.
buttercup.: lol
buttercup.: ma askin questions
buttercup.: might get u fukked up nahmeannn
Stephanie Babyy: get the fuck outta here.
Stephanie Babyy: you ain't hard.
buttercup.: :x
buttercup.: love wen u talk like that lady
buttercup.: u testin my gangsta?
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo. what gangsta boo?
buttercup.: aye dont let a nigga good looks fool u nahmean
Stephanie Babyy: i'm not, but you just to nice to go hard.
buttercup.: lol
buttercup.: idk bout all that
buttercup.: u the first person to say that
Stephanie Babyy: wordd
Stephanie Babyy: maybe you just never been on some rude shit to me.
buttercup.: word kidd
buttercup.: yea
Stephanie Babyy: lol.
buttercup.: cas u just too sexy
buttercup.: and im tryna get that
Stephanie Babyy: word. i know i'm the baddest chubby chick you know.
buttercup.: lmao
Stephanie Babyy: lmao.
Stephanie Babyy: your wild.
buttercup.: thats u
Stephanie Babyy: ah maybe just a little.
Stephanie Babyy: mostly when the sun goes down.
buttercup.: word?
Stephanie Babyy: word son.

lmaooo, my nigga is fucking crazy. smh.
he always trying to spit some game.
he bad tho, i ain't mad at him.

oh yea i'm watching the basketball game.
lakers & jazz. a good game none the less.
but on some other shit...

FUCK KOBE!!!

lmaooo, you laker lovers, i feel like pissing you off. =]
ily tho.

i watched the celtics and the bulls game too.
poor bulls, but i love the celtics. <3

smh i got 2 fucking bruses on me, one on my ass and one on my hip.
rob came over today and abused the fuck outta me.
i'm surprise i don't have any marks on my face and tits.
every time he come over he putting his hands on me,
i'm fuck his ass up next time.
brass knuckles to his FACE. =]
=/ ahh the abuse. lol.

today was a good day none the less.

JAZZ won. the game btw. aha =]
D. WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

bow chicka wow wow.

PEACE!

254.

2009-04-23T00:18:00.000-04:00

bow chicka wow wow.
so late last night, i didn't sleep.
i ended up on the phone with some people.
them niggas going to be the death of me. lol.
not really.... but yeaa... smh....
anyways i didn't actually go to bed tell like 7:30 this morning
got back up at 11:00 and been on the go since smh.
INSOMNIA IS A BITCH. BTW. lol.
oh yea and while i was out i seen this thing.
and i wanted it. LIKE CRAZY!
but i'm look into them and see what they about.
might get one. yum. =] lol.

here it is....

253.

2009-04-20T00:42:00.000-04:00

people have yet to amaze me.

anyways some people are so fucking nosy,
and always think the opposite of what something is.
get the fuck outta here with that bull shit.

anyways like i said in my last blog, i was going to look great Friday
well i did, and i'll get you a picture so you can see. =]
he said i was to cocky for my own good.
so many opinions, at least i'm humble with it.

bow chicka wow wow. lol.

anyways i was dressed up for a benefit.
my sister in law has cancer and it was for her.
i'll show you her too, shes beautiful. <3

anyways Tuesday i'm going on a field trip with the little sister
she is so freaking bad, i hope she acts right.
i have one of her friend in our group too.
we are going to Jamestown. =]
i haven't been there since i was in the 4th grade like her. lol.
i'll take pics and show you. lol.

ummmm let see what else, i don't know what i'm do the rest of the week.
but this weekend baby i can't wait, i'm going to chill with my other sister in law.
her birthday is the 24th, so yea its going to be a wrap. =] woot. lol.
blame it on the weed and alcohol. yum. =] <3 lol.

252.

2009-04-17T01:06:00.000-04:00

okay lets blog baybeee. =] this shit about to be random as fuck tho.

i'm in a extremely good mood, i got so fucking high today and it feels so good.
lmaoo i know that's crazy but its true, and i'm getting high tomorrow.
wooooo baybee. i feel so blessed. and it feels good to look good.
i'll have to show you a picture of what i look like tomorrow.
but that will have to wait, because i have a benefit to go to tomorrow.
i'm get drunk there too, oh yes baybee. i'm be so happy. lmao.
bachelor auction, silent auction, dinner & dance, oh yea and drinks and blunts.

yum baybee. =] whew, last night i had a dream and i was asleep in your arms
and it all felt so right. oh my. =] our love will last forever. AHHH fuck love. =]
but i did dream i was asleep in your arms last night, weird as fuck tho. =/

if we wasn't ment to be than how did we come to be can you just please explain to me?
oh i really want to know, but i hate you, good bye for ever my love. ahhh fuck faces.

lmaooo this blog makes no fucking sense i've been rambling my ass off
some this shit is songs or something from a song or some shit, but yea.

damn, i'm ruthless.

J'Shaun: im sorry hes a dog
Stephanie Babyy: me too.
Stephanie Babyy: but every fool i fuck with is a dog.

that was so fucked up but in many ways so fucking true.
fucking animals.
liars, most of them are.
lie to get what they want.
smh fucking fools, and i'm the worst one of all.
i allow them in my life, what a fucking dumb ass i am.
smh, fucking fool.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCH.

oh yea i'm suppose to spend May 17th in Annapolis Maryland with N'dya, =]
i don't know what the fuck we going to do, but it will be fun.
we probably will smoke up & maybe drink a little,
maybe go to some club. who knows. =] woot. i'm still excited.

oh yea i got Mims album, and it really isn't that bad tho.
i kinda like it to be honest. it's got some catchy songs.

plus i got Tavian aka Urban Jones and Brandon aka Lunatic new joint i took your bitch
that shit is nice too, let me leave there myspace link so you can holla at these niggas.
they mad nice, but you can hate if you like. =]

Urban Jones. - http://www.myspace.com/urbanjones
Lunatic. - http://www.myspace.com/southcentralzthreat

ahhh on some next shit tho.

i'm about to take my half breed ass to bed.
i'm dumb tired, and got hella shit to do tomorrow.
so fuck you, your bitch and the next bitch you fucking with.
BITCH! =] but good night none the less.

people have yet to amaze me. =]
your a disapointment in my life.

PEACE

251.

2009-04-15T01:36:00.000-04:00

okay sooo i haven't felt like blogging like i use to but let me slip a little some some in this, oh yea BTW fuck tumbler, all you migrating ass hos. fuck y'all niggas. can't even stay loyal to blogspot. fuckers. anyways back to my topic at hand....

every one has weaknesses. mine is being to damn nice, like on some real shit i am just so nice. i'm not being cocky right now i'm just talking about being nice in general, on some humble type shit. i think being nice is my main flaw because EVERYONE takes that shit of granted and uses it to there benefit. i'm not talking about just me i'm talking about every one who's main flaw is being nice and being taking for granted and being used. so many people get used and i mean so many, in the easiest situations. i hate that, so yea i think i'm stop being the nice person that i am and start being a bitch. now thats a little rough and its going to be hard for me but i think i need to be a meaner person because my soft side gets the best of me to damn much. the other day i was talking to some one and they said they was going to call me in 15 mins, i said okay. A hour goes by i hear nothing from this person, and this person been on this i'll call you in such and such for a while and hasn't done it yet. so i got highly aggravated with this person and handled the situation in the wrong manner. i ended up apologizing, and this person doesn't say shit to me and so now i feel like i shouldn't of apologized this person hasn't been treating me like a good friend should. so maybe i should of been a little rougher with him, and never even apologized. it seems like niggas like them bitches who treat them like shit now a days, and talk to them like there trash. so yea i'm be on some other shit. you aint going to like it but right now i don't give a fuck what you like, you should thought twice before acing ignorant and using people.

fuck a quote. and fuck you.
i'll erase the history and act like we never met.

PEACE

250

2009-04-13T02:05:00.000-04:00

ahahahah so tonight i just want to post a conversation.
oh yea and fuck people for real.
i can't stand some one who bull shits on me over and over.
depending on some people is like an actual brick wall talking to you.
not going to happen.
anywayssssssss. lol.

Stephanie Babyy: sis i wanna rape my brothers child hood best friend.
Sis.: your brothers child hood best friend
Stephanie Babyy: yes.
Sis.: isn't thagt sumthing
Sis.: well sis u can't rape him
Sis.: b/c you don't even know what the heck your doing
Stephanie Babyy: lmao i know
Stephanie Babyy:
Stephanie Babyy: but it sounded good.
Sis.: i know it's the thought that counts
Stephanie Babyy: lmaoo
Stephanie Babyy: it is
Stephanie Babyy: he's white. but he's like thugish and a big dude
Sis.: i want a virtual boyfriend
Sis.:
Sis.: he's white
Stephanie Babyy: yes.
Sis.: your fam
Sis.: will LOVE that
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo
Stephanie Babyy: padskOFIipoashyfad
Stephanie Babyy: -dead 'dfgjfsg omfg
Sis.: lolll
Stephanie Babyy: i gotta blog this.

249

2009-04-11T03:46:00.000-04:00

okay soo i got drunk last night, and it seems that every one has a problem with me drinking. are you fucking serious, and that i have a problem. WHAT!? i don't have a fucking drinking problem, i don't drink every day or even every week. the problem is when i drink i don't like to stop. that is my only problem. plus i like to drink tell i'm trying to fuck any black man i see that's super fucking fine to me. i've never had sex tho, so chill. plus that's one reason why i drink with white people, NO BLACK GUYS! so i def can't act a fucking fool. well there was the new years party where there was a black dude, but he only likes white bitches and he don't like black people either so yea. lmao. um but back to the topic at hand, I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM. and i'm keep drinking. so fuck you! =]

um on some other shit, i am going to stay single for a good while. i don't want to be in any type of relationship with any one. i just got out of an involvement with someone and things where a bit hectic, so i am going to stay single and just do me for a while. NO TIES! i hope anyways, i mean i haven't been in an actual relationship since like the end of 2006. it's been a long as time, but i've talked to different people since than. some things just don't work out well. a few people like me, but i don't think right now is the best time to be with any one. well UN-till at least i have myself where i want to be. i wish one would leave the past alone, and worry about the future tho.

ummmm another thing, about people. don't expect anything from any one, even if its a call/text message. people lie, or bull shit or what ever the fuck it is they say they do. because they don't like to be called liars, but that is clearly what there doing when they say they are going to do something and def don't even do it. i mean yea i'm sure i've said some things and didn't follow through with it, my bad. i apologize, a lot of the reasons i forget is because it's either simple things and my add kicks in and i lose all control. so like i said i apologize for not falling through, but when you say you going to do something atleast try to do it, i mean be for real.

no quote. i don't feel like looking.
my hiatus is pretty much over.
=/

PEACE!

248.

2009-04-08T03:39:00.000-04:00

Wow okay so some things have been happening to me latley. A lot of it has to do with my past choices that happened over the past 8 months. I should not of made some the choices I did. Even some of the choices from before than was wrong. I should of known better about a lot of things but I choose to do the wrong thing. Am I sorry for the choices I made, no. I'm not exactly sorry about the choices I've made. They have all taught me lessons in the end, But I know for a fact I don't regret what I've done. I'm sorry for hurting people, and I'm sorry that people hurt me. Eh, there's nothing I can really say about what they've done. Even tho they have played roles in my choices, But it is my fault for how thing are over all handled in my life. First off I helped destroy a relationship. 1. He was engaged. I should of never messed with that person in any way shape or form. 2. He ended up leaving her the day after my birthday. 3. We don't even talk anymore. 4. He's with a new person, But I wish him the best. Second off, I'm breaking some ones heart because of my insecurities. I'm truly sorry but this person plays a role in them too. 1. He was never there for me when my granddad was passing away. 2. While we was in the process of talking about being "together" he ended up with some one else, While my granddad was dien. 3. He finally realized after I don't know how many months he wanted to be with me. 4. It's kind of to late. I'm sorry. Third off, some one recently asked me to be in a difficult situation with them and there is a lot of that i don't like. 1. I don't like to share people in my life. 2. Its just obserd. Forth off, this should of been first. I have a lot of issues with myself. 1. weight. 2. appearance. 3. health. 4. just how my life is all together right now. I am not happy with how things are and over the past year i have been working with myself to improve but after these past some odd months things have become harder on me. Mentally & Physically I am not very stable. I have lost 70 lbs, I want to lose more and I will. My health is still very iffy. I do not want to share any of that with you at the moment tho, so don't ask. My appearance has changed because of the weight I have lost, and it will continue to change with the more weight I lose. I want to be 150lbs, by when I don't know. I don't want to set a date I just want to achieve my goal. The rest of my life that I want to change will be changing as well. I am determined to become a better person. I am a very soft hearted person I need to toughen up some tho. Your kindness can be taking for granted so easily. People do that and use other people to there advantage. So I'm not going to be as nice as I usually am. I need to learn to say NO! Oh another thing, People talking about you. If your going to talk about some one, why tell them. I don't care what you said about me. 1. it's usually always negative, people are bond to dislike you. I would say hate but hate is a very strong word. 2. If your going to talk about me, I'm glad you would take so much time out your day to waste it on me. thanks. On another note I have got some new music. I'm usually not much of a industry person but I have recently got a few album. 1. Lady Gaga, I wanted to see what the hyph was about. It wasn't all that honestly. 2. Keri Hilson, It was alright, I had got some mixtape from offline with some of her other tracks and I like the Happy Juice song. 3. Flo Rida, Recently I've heard a lot of him on the radio station's I listen too. His album is pretty well. 4. Jadakiss, his album is amazing. I LOVE Jadakiss, he is so talented. So make sure you cop that.

this was one long assssssss blog. =]
enjoy it.
no quote tonight.

still on my hiatus btw.

PEACE!

247. - Stephanieology.

2009-04-04T00:50:00.000-04:00

Here's a quick blogger survey that tells your readers more about you.

Let others know a little more about yourself, re- post this as your
name followed by "ology" and tag ten people.

FOODOLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice??
Ranch.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I'd have to say outback steak house.

What food could you eat everyday for two weeks and not get sick of?
Chocolate chip granola bars.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Sausage.

Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla.

TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house?
Four, about to be 5.

Do you have a laptop?
Yes.

Do you have a desktop?
Yes.

Do you have an MP3 player?
No, I gave my Ipod away, my phone ops as one tho.

BIOLOGY
Are you right - handed or left- handed?
Right.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
No.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Hell No.

STUFFOLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
No, I like my name.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No.

DUMBOLOGY
How many pairs of flip flops do you have?
I don't know.

Last time you had a run- in with the cops?
Um, the other day i believe.

Last person you talked to?
J'shaun.

Last person you hugged?
Uh, I have no clue.

FAVOURITOLOGY
Season?
Spring/Summer.

Holiday?
None.

Day of the week?
They all feel the same.

Month?
November.

CURRENTOLOGY
Missing anyone?
My Granddad. R.I.P

Mood?
Aggravated.

What are you listening to?
My fan buzzing.

Watching?
Nothing.

RANDOMOLOGY
First place you went this morning?
The bathroom.

What's the last movie you saw?
Transporter 3

Do you smile often?
Sometimes.

Do you always answer your phone?
Hell No.

Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Who cares.

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I like my brown eyes..

Do you own a digital camera?
Yea.

Have you ever had a pet fish?
No.

Favorite Christmas song(s)?
Um, I don't have one.

What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Nothing. I don't really celebrate it.

Can you do push ups?
Yea.

Does the future make you nervous or excited?
A little of both.

Do you have any saved texts?
Not anymore.

Ever been in a car wreck?
No, Almost a few times tho.

Do you have an accent?
Um No, Not to me at least.

What is the last song to make you cry?
Who knows.

Plans tonight?
Not yet.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yea, I'm there now.

Have you ever been given roses?
Yea, A bunch of times.

Current hate right now?
The way I've become.

Met someone who changed your life?
Pretty much every one has impacted me some way or another.

How did you bring in the New Years?
At a party tore up from the floor up. lmao.

Name 3 people who might complete this?
Um, Jaime, Derrick, Corrie?.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes, just to see my granddad.

Do you have any tattoos/ piercings?
Yes, 1 tattoo & my ears are pierced.

Does anyone love you?
Of course, who doesn't?

Would you be a pirate?
What the fuck for?

What songs do you sing in the shower?
What ever song is playing.

Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes, and I loved it.

Do you like to cuddle?
Why not.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nah, haven't done that in a good while.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My Niece.

What kind of music did you listen to in Primary school?
Country & Hip Hop.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Both.

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Ew, No.

Have you ever ridden an elephant?
Nah, I'm not to fond of animals.

Do you like to play Scrabble?
Like it no, but I've played a few rounds in my time. lol.

When was the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
Um, the other night. I had that an apple and a glass of milk.

What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
I think I was on the phone with Derrick & Jaime.

----------

My past days have been stressful. I'm taking more time away from everything, except probably twitter. I'll still update that. I've picked up the new habit of reading. I enjoy it a lot. matter of fact, I've started reading the bible. I want to see if i can read it from start to finish in less than a month, well maybe two or three-ish lmao. The following weeks are going to be rough. If you need me you either know how to contact me or you can get at myspace/crush spot/twitter. what ever.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

PEACE!

246.

2009-03-31T23:58:00.000-04:00

03-25-09 about midnight-ish.
I'm stuck in the past reaching for my future. i realize I'm a terrible friend. i stop talking to people. i don't mean to do it, but i do. it's like after a while i get bored with people, and that is so terrible and its wrong. i need to move forward, but its like I'm tied down. i want to apologize to people, but it wouldn't make a diffrence, so fuck it. i been gone for months now, not speaking to you and shit. what kinda of friend does that make me? a shity one none the less. but its not entirely my fault, they choose not to speak to, well some of them, so its there fault too. i mean its bad, i was checking my myspace and some my other friends, and i checked my comments, and i haven't commented some one in almost a year, and we probably only talked a few times off myspace smh what kinda of friends are we. smh are we even friends? its like that with a lot of people, even my bestie, i love that man. but it doesn't feel that we are best friends because we never speak. smh. i need to rebuild some of my friend ships and make new ones. but on some real shit it takes two to tango so if it's this way then fuck it it's this way but i'm work on some things. plus people take you for granted in the end and maybe its best i go do me for a fucking while, who knows man. SMFH.

ahhh yesterday & today mayne has been some kind of bull shit.
i can't sleep.
it's been to fucking long i been up since 8 am.
and it's 3 am now.
fuckk me..
Good Night.

if you love something let it go.

PEACE

03-31-09
the post above i wanted to post that day, but i ended up disappearing that day.
okay so i haven't updated my blog in so long i needed to.

Lately things for me have been very complicated i have been going through a lot of different stuff, and i felt the need to regain myself so yes i have disappeared for a while and I'm still on my hiatus status, i haven't spoke to a lot of people in about a week and i still feel the need to not be around a lot of certain people. is that a good thing? i don't really know for some people but i felt that i have been used and mistreated as a person and a friend to some of the people i have pushed away from or we just don't get along so well. so yes, it has been best for me to disappear for a while and get back to myself. i am wrong for just up and leaving a lot of people because there are a lot of people that do count on me to be there for them. but i needed to do it for myself, i apologize for not being around for some people but at the same time I'm not sorry I've disappeared for a period of time. i needed this, and i still do need to be away from people. so good night and i will see you at a later date.

Don't make some one a priority when your only an option.

PEACE

245.

2009-03-26T02:06:00.000-04:00

ahh my head is fucking killing me,
yesterday was pointless.
today was fucking crazy.
my cousin is off the wall.
my cutie's got strep throat. =/
i told him i'd take care of him
long as he didn't have a temperature.
i haven't twitted much today.
Angie's stressing out and hurt,
but she'll for sure make it.
Mike's favorite my white boy <3
um. i'm wore out from today.
i worked on my cousins website.
i'll leave the link.
i did her shirt graphic for her softball team.
i smoked for the first time in months today,
it felt wonderful.
now i have a head ache.
=/ i'm ready for bed.
tomorrows going to be a long day.
Good Night & Sweet Dreams.

Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.

PEACE

244.

2009-03-24T03:32:00.000-04:00

people take your politeness for granted.
watch me start being a bitch.
will i resort back to how i use to be nah.
but i will bring out some old characteristics i had in me.
smh people these fucking day's i swear to god man.

today has been a slum day.
really sucked i haven't felt well.
i guess because i was drunk last night.
that and lack of sleep over the past week.
yesterday was a hard day for me,
especially the talk i had with my sister N'dya.
i have to get my self ready for what she has in store for me
and its soon i know in the near future. so yea.
oh i watched grand trio today,
that movie with Clint Eastwood.
i guess Tavian's out of jail.
because he was in a gm from Brandon's ass.
smh fucking people
i hate people.
but yea.
fuck you,
and your bitch,
and your fucking life fuck face mother fuckers.
good night.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

PEACE

243.

2009-03-22T23:19:00.000-04:00

i want new yahoo friends,
my old ones are boring.
i want better cell phone service.
i need to forget about some people and move forward.
i dwell in the past to much.
i had a very long day. 10am to when ever i go to sleep.
but i didn't go to bed tell 6 am this morning.
smh its rediculous I'm going back to bed late and shit again
i need to start to take my sleeping pills at night about 9' o'clock.
fuck staying up its pointless for real,
i don't have a reason to be up all late.
so yeaa. um lets see i shopped all day long
got me 2 scarves, a pair of skinny jeans and 2 shirts.
PURPLE SKINNY'S, BROWB SKINNY'S, BLACK SKINNY'S,
BLACKISH FADED SKINNY'S, RED SKINNY'S & GRAY SKINNY'S.
<3 they equal my new loves, i was going to get a pink pair today,
but......they didn't have a size small enough for me. =/ fuckers.
curves = love. fuck skinny hoe's you fuckers = stick figures. lol. =]
smh i need to stop blogging for the night so yea.
Good Night & Sweet Dreams.

everyone is a star and deserves a chance to shine

PEACE.

242.

2009-03-22T02:27:00.000-04:00

today has been a long fucking day. i got up and got ready, than around 4 i went to my pop pop's for a family get together. crazy huh. yea it was. they had some family get together bull shit, i chilled most the night by my self for real. they all see me as the same little girl i was years and years ago, so i listened to my music on my phone, everything from industry niggas, to my niggas, like Lunatic, Beast The Skitzo, and Jay Adams. =] so don't think i forgot about y'all i still listen to every one. =] <3 um. lets see, i started reading a book, derrick picked the tittle out i gave him two choices, this on on some secrete spy shit, pretty nice tho. smh some people are tripping these days, i talked to Koko's ass too lmao she's a trip and a half. lol. um let's see what else.... i seen my cousin's i ain't seen them in a minute. but its cool. they growing. =] my one cousin is so big yo, he's a few years older than me but damn this nigga like 6'5 250 maybe bigger. lol. but it was nice to see some familiar faces its been years. um lets see. i didn't do really anything else. other than that today i got home around mid-night from being there and now its 2:00. um i think i'm hit the sheets soon, check my mail and shit and that's about it. soo yea good night.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.

PEACE

241.

2009-03-21T01:14:00.000-04:00

blogging,......
omg long day.
went out.
went shopping.
text-ed my cutie <3
chilled with some nigga named Jamal.
left him, went shopping again.
had dinner, flirted with some Latino.
um.. picked up my nephew from my sister in laws.
came home.
now kicking it for the night.
finished the layout for this blog.
um. talking to a few heads,
than bed.
tomorrows a long day.
hope you like the way the blog looks.
beast the skitzo > you.
good night...

the longer i live,the more i realize the impact of attitude on life. attitude is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.

&

After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.

PEACE

240.

2009-03-20T03:04:00.000-04:00

new layout & music. =]
long pointless.
read anyways.

lets see i haven't blogged since Tuesday, wow. and its Thursday night. eek. let me put you up to speed. Tuesday was a rough day for me i wasn't feeling it, and Wednesday i don't remember much but of the night, early wed. morning i started a book and finished it that night, lmao wild'n huh? yea i know but once i get a hold of a good book baby i ain't putting it down. good as book, it was called Dear Rita, bitches get it, niggas you can peep it too. um weds i watched movies with mom all night, transporter 3 and another movie, um.... the family that prays. um Lewan's crazy ass called while i was watching the movies, i apologized i didn't talk to him. i was busy. =/

this morning i got up dumb early had to go with my moms to see my grandma and bullshit, went to a few stores, texted my cutie <3 um.. seen my grandmother, had the baby for a minute. =] i love that baby. Ashley knocked up BTW. for those who might of missed it in one the other blogs. um got Belly Of The Beast <3 my nigga Jonathon did some good work on this shit, i'm put his myspace in my links because this nigga don't blog. but he's dope as fuck and real as hell and ain't no other nigga like this nigga, the the realest. nigga the ill-est. straight fire. the mix tape download links are at the beginning of my blog, soon as you come before you click entries, or any other link. so you will have to check there for it. anyways, i got up late, um 9 ish or around there, and soon as i get home and start to get settled in my crazy ass sister calls me, with Travis on the phone. he wanted to hook me up with his nigga ray, 1. if he anything like Travis, its to much for me to handle, i'd be a straight bitch. anyways i got off the phone with here and came on here and listen to belly of the beast, i can't pick a favorite, so i think i'll use different songs at different times over the next month, so the lyrics on the page will change but it depends how much Jonathon is willing to put up with me, not much probably but its cool. i think i'll add the music and add the lyrics on there later, because i'm having a hell of a time getting my file-den to accept the files, and i don't have patients to let the shit upload knowing i'm not on the best internet, so i'm wait, talk to derrick tomorrow and see if he will help me out and get the lyrics from Jonathon. yeaaaaaa, so i don't think i feel like doing anything more tonight. but i hope you had a good day and so forth and so on ya dig.

ehh i'm pretty stressed out, i always have a lot on my mind and i wish i didn't because it over takes me for real and i just get so lost it in more than what i want to be, my friend David is talking to me now about his child he is having. i'm happy for him. he is dumb excited and he will make a great father. but back to my mind i wish i understood everything i was thinking, because half the time i don't nor do i know where the hell the thoughts come from. i was listen to Belly Of The Beast, but i done changed the CD, its now J Holiday's 2nd Round. so far so good, i enjoy him, but he's to much lovey dovey for me, i hate relationships, and i hate love. your probably asking how could i hate something so wonderful, because love can be hell in disguise you really don't even know what you get into, and when you do its to damn late to pull yourself out, for real. but at the same time one day i want to experience love just not any time soon with any one i know right now, there's to much for me to deal with. i enjoy being single and having things my way and not having to deal with a significant other, ya dig. i mean i do get crushes on guys from to time, because i have one on a dear friend of mine, but i don't talk about that with anyone. its no one's business but mine, so don't ask who the hell he is. ahh my hips are killing me, which suck like hell for real, i hate when they start to act up, and i have no why they do the what they do. clicking and shit poppin' in and out of place, i mean dancing is one thing, but just because they can when i sit down and shit. STOP IT. lol. i have a terrible migraine, i know why tho, but i don't want to discuss that with you either, -pops pills.- now a shot of vodka. =] just kidding can't have alcohol with drugs. lol. i mean no matter all this shit that goes on with my mind, i'm always thankful for what i have, and i'm not worried about what i want, because i got what i need to survive. i'm not a selfish person, but i am a lost one in some words, because everything use to be so clear and now a days things aren't like what they use to be. after my plans all got canceled after my granddad passed away i haven't come up with one, and i need to get back on track. so i think i might take some time to organize myself to get right not back to what it was, but to move forward to what it is now. i'm tired of living in the past, when i have a full whole bright life to push my self forward to. so yea. um yea i'm done with being frustrated and everything else under the damn book with my crazy mind. oh yea BTW i'm not listen to The Dream's newest CD then bed, for give me for my confusion of a blog, and nonsense. good night.

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.

PEACE

239.

2009-03-18T02:29:00.000-04:00

Sis.: http://i42.tinypic.com/15qvt4w.gif
Stephanie Babyy: whos this
Sis.: idkkk
Sis.: but it scared me
Stephanie Babyy: its weird.
Sis.: and made me wonder if it gave good head
Sis.: at the same time
Stephanie Babyy: LMAOOO
Stephanie Babyy: its different thats for sure.

people are crazy. :|

Keri Hilson's album leaked, i don't have it tho.
well a link to it, just know it leaked for those who do download.

i hate you.

we haven't talked and now you wanna come around. get.
okay i lie, i want to you to stay.

belly of the beast will be available to download for people soon.
but i already got it. =]
nanananna =]
lol.

the end.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

PEACE

238.

2009-03-17T00:48:00.001-04:00

Jaime: straighten my hair
Jaime: i call it magic
Jaime: because its amazing
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo
Stephanie Babyy: indeed.
Stephanie Babyy: how long it take you
Jaime: 20 minutes
Stephanie Babyy: fuck you.
Jaime: lol
Stephanie Babyy: it takes me an hour.
Stephanie Babyy: use to take me 2 to 2 and half before i cut it.
Jaime: thats because you got some nappy mess
Jaime: -hides
Stephanie Babyy: zdvxkjndshf
Stephanie Babyy: fuck you twice.
Jaime: mann i was pulling that ish in the dark and i think i lost some of my hand
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo
Jaime: lol
Stephanie Babyy: fuck your ass 3 times.
Jaime: ily steph

my damn wife is fucked up lmao, smh.

oh yea and every one else, I'm on some fuck you and every one you talk to, because i def don't give a fuck about you or any one else, I'm about to be on some hiatus shit too. oh yea and fuck liars b. you fucking dick heads.

The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

PEACE.

237.

2009-03-15T23:55:00.000-04:00

Statue: you can be the headline, if i can be your sidekick. <3

Jaime: tf is your status from?
Stephanie Babyy: the future
Jaime: woo.
Stephanie Babyy: its by joe budden and the game
Stephanie Babyy: its on my blog
Jaime: ew
Stephanie Babyy: ew what
Jaime is using a different version of Yahoo! Messenger. Certain features may be unavailable.
Jaime: budden
Jaime: i don't like him.
Stephanie Babyy: Fdoshafha
Stephanie Babyy: are you serious?
Jaime: lol yes ma'am
Stephanie Babyy: WHY?! joey is my heart <3
Jaime: i just don't like his style.
Stephanie Babyy: -cries. he's the best out right now, to me.
Jaime: to you
Jaime: drake is the best to me
Stephanie Babyy: drake is alright, but i feel joey, he touches my heart on some real shit.
Jaime: ehh.
Stephanie Babyy: =/ i'm upset you don't like him.
Jaime: sorries
Stephanie Babyy: its cool, i just didn't think you wouldn't like him.
Jaime: i'll probably end up liking him
Jaime: but not right now
Stephanie Babyy: i understand its cool tho.

=/ eek my wifey doesn't like Joe Budden, how could some one not like him, i guess its cool tho i respect it and all but eh it is what it is, just like how i hate Wayne and she listens to him, i respect that don't think i wouldn't try to turn her against him tho lmao. =]

my sister N'dya is high, and she doesn't make any damn sense what so ever lmao. I'm trying to get her to come back up the stairs so she can see a picture, and i can see if she likes it lmao, i don't know why i even try to get her to do it because she is to damn stubborn to do it lmao. smh ol mayne ol mayne, i wish i could understand her when she's high but she be to damn high to grab a hold of and pull back down to my level. lol.

Ahhh okay, I'm done, blogging i don't have shit else to say tonight, i have to get up early in the am to go get my fingers printed so i can go on a field trip with my little sister. oh yea Ashley told me her pregnancy test came back positive, I'm be an aunt again lol. great huh. =] hate is a strong word, but right now that's how i feel about you! so um niggas are ass holes, and bitches are tricks. DUH! =] good night fuck faces.

Act as though you cannot fail but keep a humble spirit.
&
Always remember when you are on top of the world , that the earth rotates every 24 hrs.

PEACE

236.

2009-03-15T01:16:00.000-04:00

i feel pretty sick. =/ i feel like i have a hang over but i drink two nights ago. lmaooo oh but do i feel like i was drinking all damn day! ughhh lol. the past two days where good tho, today i straight kicked it and watched movies all day, some good movies too, love & basketball, something about quit dating white girls, um bunch of other movies, i don't remember the names lmaoo. um lets see, i'm talking to Jaime aka the wifey. =] i re-did her myspace. she's a trip. i'll show you what was said.

Jaime: steph.. ever realize that we level ourselves out with each other
Stephanie Babyy: who me and you?
Jaime: yes ma'am.
Jaime: we just do
Stephanie Babyy: what you mean
Jaime: were like... ying and yang.
Stephanie Babyy: i'm dumb lost
Jaime: your that quiet type of chick and i'm the loud one. i'm white. your black; i like sex; your a virgin
Stephanie Babyy: true.

its funny tho because i'm not quiet at all i am loud as fuck when i want to be, but other times i'm quiet i guess, i am a virgin, but i am not all black, i'm half white too. but i'm nosy as fuck like a black person, and don't say you black folks ain't nosy when you know damn well you are lmaoo, but i'm nosy like a white person too, like scary movie type nosy -dead- smh a damn mess but its cool, um lets see what other conversations have i had with people..... =/ none really worth showing,...

oh yea my sister might be pregnant at least that's what i heard smh news travels fast with this damn family, well supposedly Ashley the 2nd oldest is now pregnant, Amanda just had her baby almost 3 months ago. now Ashley knocked up smh, this damn family, who's next? def not me. smh and out of my 3 sisters and 1 brother from my birth moms, i'm the last one to have sex and two are younger than me, WILD! lmao its cool tho, i don't want to just have sex with anyone, i want something more, people these days just be fucking any one. =/

i still feel like hell =/ lol. um lets see what else sis there. uh.... nothing worth talking about. =/ so yea i'm done, i'm hit the sheets in a few minutes so good night

Often a noble face hides filthy ways.
&
The wicked work harder to preach hell than the righteous do to get to heaven.

PEACE

235.

2009-03-12T23:59:00.000-04:00

soooo today was gay, tonight's pretty nice, i'm drinking so yea things are going well. =] i love alcohol. but my baby mama don't wanna drink with me its cool tho. i still love her, but yea i'm kick it for the rest of the night and drink it away. HOLLA!

Stephanie Babyy: -gives you a drink.
Jaime: oh no thanks
Stephanie Babyy: why not?
Jaime: just not in the mood to drink tonight
Stephanie Babyy: oh
Stephanie Babyy: okay.
Jaime: if you had some green
Jaime: that will be a different subject
Stephanie Babyy: i wish i did
Stephanie Babyy: because i'd be on both right about now
Jaime: lol
Stephanie Babyy: mhm.

If a man who enjoys a lesser happiness beholds a greater one, let him leave aside the lesser to gain the greater.

PEACE

234.

2009-03-12T01:01:00.000-04:00

wow i don't know what to say. =/ i am stressed out about something i don't really want to talk about it because the simple fact i don't know who all reads this shit but it is what it is, anyways i miss some one a lot they aren't who they where and i hate it because it isn't like it was and i want what i had and it bothers me that it isn't what it use to be, maybe i'm the one to blame because i knew what i was getting my self into but i got to tied up in the moment i lost track of what it was and i turned it into what i wanted it to be and that was the worst thing i could of done ahhhhhh man i'm going to just go to bed and try to work shit out in the morning or over the next few days, i just can't let it go that easy. =/

NEW MUSIC!

FEAT. BEAST THE SKITZO & KEESHINE.

&

JAY ADAMS & QUIK KASH.

download the shit and put it out for them ya dig. =]

Where the heart lies, let the brain lie also.

PEACE.

233.

2009-03-11T00:28:00.000-04:00

holy fucking shit batman.
i haven't blogged since Friday, and i wasn't going to blog today. But i need too and i def need to recap everything from Saturday and onward, well that i can remember lmao.

Saturday - i chilled at home for a while then i had to go out and go shopping for things for Sunday, talked to some fine ass dude and got his number, i doubt i call him tho, fuck i look like calling some random ass nigga, lmao oh well i ain't worried about it. after i picked up everything i went to my sister in laws to stay the night. oh yea we made dream catchers smh never again boy.

Sunday - Got up mad early and got ready to go to my sister in laws tea/birthday party, i was all fucking dressed up lmao it was cool tho, i had fun and shit, i hated all the pictures that was taking so your not going to see them. lmao. um lets see what else after her tea party we went shopping, then i went back to Rhonda's got my things, then we went to my house then i unpacked some thing but repacked some other stuff and then i went to my cousin Stephanie's, i chilled with them and stayed the night there.

Monday - I got up the next morning at like 6 to let this woman in to drop her kids off, a little 4 month old boy and 2 girls but the one girl went to school and the other girl was 3. her kids where ugly as fuck lmaoooo. that's so wrong to say but yea. um I had to baby sit them that morning so i got up at 9 because of the little boy woke up damn him lmao. but yea i got up and took care of that woman's kids, but i got 30 dollars for it for a few hours so i ain't mad even tho the woman was 3 hours late lmao. eh but after that i worked on my cousins website, anyways after that i chilled with Toby and Taylor out in her room, then knocked out after talking to Jonathon.

Tuesday - Today - shit i fucking slept all mother fucking day, well tell 11:30, got up kept an eye on them kids tell my cousin picked up her step daughter, after that i continued to work on her web site, smh its starting to piss me off because i couldn't get the domain to work on the site, talking shit about like i need to wait 60 days, she payed money for that fucking thing, and now i have to fucking wait, are you serious nigga. smh. well i worked on it for a good while then i chilled and shit, listened to people bitch and what not, people be fucking tripping, got high =] yea i did and quit working on the damn web page, i told Brandon i would lmaoo. smh i knew not to, i was going to drink tonight too, but i decided not to and i decided just to chill and watch some TV. this past week has been long as fuck and it isn't even over yet. but i smoked before i came home, i got here about 8:30 and its 12 now. smh my head fucking killing me on some real shit and nothing is helping it, it stopped hurting after i smoked but now its back to hurting i need more weed, feeling like shit sucks, not that weed makes me feel untouchable but it does help relieve some of the stress on me and helps with my head aches and nausea but other than that some people aren't happy with what i do and how i handle me but this is my life not yours so fuck off don't worry about what i do you need to worry about your damn self.
the web page i been working on. its no where near done, but its something, =/
Blue Lane Pits.

On some other shit i hate how people change, i mean really if you going to be some one be you and stop trying to be some one else you dig, i mean for real why the fuck you gotta act one way one day and another way another day, and maybe its not even a day maybe its a few hours you done changed up, stop fucking doing it, be YOU! on some real shit, don't be flip flopping the fuck around on some dumb shit just fucking be 100% you! i mean i understand mood swings and shit because i def have mood swings i could be mad as fuck one minute but happy another, but that's still being me I'm not going to be on some whole other shit about shit tho, so cut that fake shit out and be you don't be flip flopping because it really pisses me off and it makes me not want to be cool with a lot of people because of how they change on a day to day bases. MAN just be honest with your self.

NEW MUSIC!

FEAT. BEAST THE SKITZO & KEESHINE.

&

JAY ADAMS & QUIK KASH.

download the shit and put it out for them ya dig. =]

When we are not honest, we are cut off from a significant resource of ourselves, a vital dimension that is necessary for unity and wholeness.

PEACE

232.

2009-03-07T00:52:00.000-05:00

Today has been long. I only got sick once today, out of the 2 times I ate, so I guess it's getting better. -shrugs- Um lets see I went to some stores and dinner with Mom after I came home from my Sister in laws. She got me lunch =] even tho it wasn't healthy, (french fries and a sweet tea from McDonald lol) but I didn't get sick. I did get sick off dinner. I had some grilled chicken strips, that made me sick as a dog. =/ Then I came home, now I'm in bed. My Aunts talking about bra's to me on yahoo lmaoo, shes hilarious. She said she needs to get fitted and I told her I was a 38 C and she was like ONLY!!!! lmaoo, Like I'm suppose to be any bigger. My tits small as fuck. ahaha =] Anyways I think I'm chill for the rest of the night then go to bed. =] BTW here's a conversation.

Stephanie Babyy: and you hated that i love fabolous.
Stephanie Babyy: =]
De'Angelo: thats cause... i didnt really listen to fab all like that
Stephanie Babyy: you lien.
Stephanie Babyy: you was just mad i was in love with him.
Stephanie Babyy:
De'Angelo: lol
De'Angelo: well hell i thought u was gona cheat on me with him lol
Stephanie Babyy: lmaooo
Stephanie Babyy: wellll...
De'Angelo: o well
De'Angelo: lol
Stephanie Babyy: its not like i would of ever seen that nigga.
De'Angelo: see
De'Angelo: i knew it lol
Stephanie Babyy: )
Stephanie Babyy: lasdfndskjhg
Stephanie Babyy: sorry.

lmaooooooooo that conversation mayne i dated, De'Angelo back in December 2006 and he hateddd that i loved Fab and it was so hilarious because back in 2006 Fab was my favorite rapper, and i listened to the nigga all the time and all his songs, had all his Cd's mix tapes and everything lmaoo, and that conversation made me laugh, we was talking about artist's we hated and i brought up FABOLOUS! =] even tho i love him. <3

He that flatters you more than you desire either has deceived you or wishes to deceive.

Peace.

231.

2009-03-05T21:51:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of saying I'm sick, I'm tired of being sick. I hope Brandon's doctor appointment went well. =/ Today has been very long, I left my grandmothers, but ended up at my sister in laws, smh my mother is mad at me and want's me to come home, well she's more upset I haven't been home in 2 weeks. I'm sorry, but I want to live a little. um I'm watching making the Band 4, its crazy. I'm watch Americas Best Dance Crew next. oh yea, I'm going to be changing back to the bitch I use to be, because people now a days think they can run you over with bull shit and act ignorant with you, so watch me be the old me. I'm dumb tired and wore out, my body has got the best of me lately. I'm lay down and shit, so I'll blog more later.

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.

Peace

230.

2009-03-05T02:16:00.000-05:00

First I wanna say Happy 20th Birthday Mr. Jay Adams.

anyways.......

I hate people.
I hate being sick.
Brandon was doing so good earlier,
but ended going back down the hill. smh.
I do hope he feels better.
B. hasn't spoke to me,
we have driffted apart some i think,
maybe for the better, or for worse.
I've been aggervated all day.
I'm hurting all over.
I feel like I'm having withdraws.
I need alcohol and weed.
I'm stressed the fuck out.
My head is killing me.
Jonathon status is the TRUTH,
people don't appreciate what they have.
My family is driving me batty.
Derrick pissed me off,
he said i was a babystealer,
Fuck off,
I'm just better with children than you.
I want new tattoos.
I wanna sleep in MY bed.
I'm grumpy & cranky as fuck.
I Hope Jaime gets better.
I'm glad Brianna is asleep.
The people at Walmart pissed me off,
they thought we was stealing. smh.
MONEY ISN'T AN ISSUE!!!!!
YOU STALKING FUCKS WAS!
I can't believed they followed us around,
fucking scum bag mother fuckers. smh.
I met a new guy earlier, his name is Kevin,
hes a cool dude, he gets to meet Keri Hilson. lol.
N'dya says I'm to fucking nosey, and I always find out everything,
well its true i do and i work hard to do it,
I'm getting records on your ass and all. lmaoo. =]
She said I'd be terrible in a scary movie. smh lol.
I'm so white that have to go see shit, but I'm so black I already know its there.
um I'm dumb tired, and I think I'm get ready for bed.
Good Night & Sweet Dreams My Loves. <3

I'm torn between what was and what could be
&
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again

Peace.

229.

2009-03-04T03:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so fucking stressed out, i mean literally, these past months and all have been so much and this past week my body has been through so much shit. i been throwing up all week, every day and shit its fucking rediculous. It's like i don't wanna deal with shit for real. i know i need to get everything right because lately everything has been so much out of hand. The next few months I'm take to myself and do me, maybe that way i will be stable mentally and physically because I'm not very stable and my decisions have been wrong over the past months. so yeaaa.. =/

today has been dumb long but relevantly short at the same time, i think I'm ready to go home, i mean I've been here since LAST Sunday, crazy huh. so yea its about time for me to go home ya dig. i think I'm leaving Thursday evening i won't be happy that i don't have the good internet so i can download shit. but i will be happy that i will be home, and def in my own bed and all. um anyways back today i haven't wanted to speak to any one today, but just like my sisters, and not even really them. i seen an old friend today, and i didn't even wanna speak to his ass. crazy huh? eh i think I'm go to bed soon, i do wish i was home so i could drink. i miss my alcohol. i miss my room. eh damn it these weeks have been to long and I'm ready for a break.

okay so i forgot what i was saying up there because I've been side tracked for the past few hours or something i don't know when ever i started this but forgot about it lmaoo. um so i watched half of from G's to Gents tonight and my favorite dude left. =/ sucks huh. yea it does. anyways, i watched T.I's rode to redemption too, damn i feel bad for some them dudes it's crazy how people live, i gotta watch next Mondays i wanna see that one for sure. um lets see i watched American Idol too and i voted <3 Lil' Rounds is my girl and my dude is Danny but he's already through so yea. um.. lets see i think that's all the TV. oh yea and fresh prince on nick at night now...

um let's see about my people...... all you fools need to blog, for the ones that have a blog spot.. umm..... lets see.... Brandon is putting 19 songs on his mix tape well 17 if you count the into and outro lol. i will be excited when that drops. =] and you all will be informed for real, his link and the album art will be up on here so yea be looking out for that in a few months or so he ain't say yet when he was going to drop it. um let's see. then there's B. =] drunking love. lmaooo. um yea anyways. we played a rack of games of pool tonight, and i was beating that assss <3 lmaooo well i won like 3 games. usually i never win anyyyy so our record is like 2393439 to 20. lmao. i was excited tho i ain't going to lie i was doing so good. then it all went down hill. smh. um. he said we was going to play more later but i doubt it. he's probably going to bed.... back to Brandon his ass was just talking about dancing in a thong, i don't think i wanna see that happen, no offense but niggas and thongs just don't mix, not unless they gay and that's what they rock, but still nigga NO! this nigga is stressing me out, I'm ready to choke him. =/ you start trying to look out for some one and they fuck up and do something dumb. smh =/ niggas be wilding. AHH I'm aggravated. oh yea and me and Jaime are talking now ily, um yea I'm done!

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Peace.

228.

2009-03-03T00:31:00.000-05:00

omfg yo. smh I'm so damn tired of getting sick. something is wrong with me and i have no clue wtf it is, but i wish it was over. i refuse to go to the damn doctor because I'm stubborn as fuck and i don't wanna fucking go, okay. so don't tell me to. fuck face. I've very irritable too. bad huh and i get aggravated by the slightest shit, you can just talk to me the wrong way and you urk the fuck outta me, terrible i know =/. what else went on today, eh nothing that i can really think of to be honest, i was out some, and was here at my grandmothers, called my brother for his birthday, um i think that's about it tho. ugh and got sick like 3 times and i still feel like crap. um i think I'm just kick it for the rest of the night, oh yea i tried to play B. in pool but his yahoo was acting gay, so we aren't playing. but what everrrrrrrrrrrr. i watched i love money 2 and I'm watching for the love of ray j. smh shit is crazy, anyways I'm kick it and then go to bed, i don't know if Brandon's going to call me or not, he probably isn't but eh it is what it is. good night..

Make the mistakes of yesterday your lessons for today.

Peace.

227.

2009-03-02T04:11:00.000-05:00

ugh sick as fuck, I'm tired of being sick i mean for real its annoying as fuck i been throwing up all week, my grandmother even asked me if i was pregnant, WTF are you serious. I'm still a virgin, so i know i ain't pregnant not unless its some Virgin Mary type shit. smh. today has been long as fuck, i was asleep, and my grandmother was screaming shut up Stephanie is trying to sleep, bitch you are screaming how am i going to sleep and this damn phone at this house never and i mean never stops going off! so my sister is like stop calling Stephanie is trying to sleep. smh how can i sleep when it don't stop. smh. people are fucking annoying BTW. Me and Brandon talked tonight <3 he's suppose to call me back, but i don't know if I'm go to bed or stay up made late to talk to him again. because I'm dumb tired and i have to watch Brianna in the morning from 8:00 to 10:30 in the morning, which is nothing but that means i have to get up in 4 hours. Tts already 4:00 AM. Matter of fact Brianna is waking up now to eat and then she eats in another 4/5 hours. eh anyways I'm gone. good night...

Jealousy is the effect of guilt of ones own mishaps.

Peace.

226.

2009-03-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

Omggg, Jaime wrote this thing in her blog for me, let me get it, i'll put it on my blog so you can see.

ah man, where to begin? I've met this girl, hell a few months ago, and it feels like its been ages. Her and I haven't got into one argument or disagreement which is abnormal for me to get along with girls so well. But with Stephanie, she's just more than my friend, she's my best friend. I swear, I can't go one day with out talking to her. she is a great ass female, and she always has me smiling, and even when I have bad days, she's always right there making me all better. She's my best friend and my wife :). She's the only good thing to come out of Derrick. She's.... ah man, my best friend. I want to one day just go down to VA and see her and spend the day with her. She's my Stephie. She's seen my crazy side [ the one that i dance naked, yes] and my sad side [when i lost my daughter]. I can bring any situation to her and she knows what to do. I've tried my hardest to be there for her through everything she goes through with. I've never gotton' along with a female like I do her. The closet we've ever got into an argument was over Allen Iverson and ah man, that was just silly. I love her to death and I forever hope to be best friends with her. She's like a sister to me and I want to keep her in my life. I've included her into everything my life contains and I plan to keep it that way.
I love you, Stephanie Dawn Williams.

tell me that isn't nice, she's really great i mean really, we've had some up and downs but who hasn't and for us to get along still after all that's went on i mean its great and I'm very grateful for her, and hopefully one day i will see her, you never know. I'm very thankful for her friend ship, just like any of my other friends, but I'm very glad i can go to her with stuff unlike others, because i know she doesn't judge me for the dumb shit i do, because she does just as crazy things as me and i don't judge her, but she's always very open minded with me and encouraging me to do better and be better and this and that to the 5th. i love her and think very highly of her.
thanks wifee. <3

ily. Kaaliyah Jaimelyn Nya Nesdahl-Cartier

um lets see everything else that went on today was bull shit and very long, and i'm dumb tired and shit! anyways the baby is amazing and i love being here at my grandmothers to play with her and all, she's great. she's a month old and so fucking cute, she can hold her little head up, and she rocks, watches you and makes all kinds of noises lol. eh but today has been really long and I'm really tired, Brianna and Amanda are asleep i think I'm going to join them. i hope every one is doing great and all. oh yea me and b. are drifting apart but oh well what do you want me to do about it. I'm done with trying to keep us close some how knowing I'm a damn fool for anything. smh. but good night and sweet dreams.

Hatred -- The anger of the weak.

peace.

225.

2009-02-28T00:56:00.000-05:00

ahhh today has been long as fuck so far, its 6:00pm already. i got up at 9:00 took a shower, and got ready to go to Brianna's doctor appointment, it took from 10:45 tell 12:00 smh, long as fuck. but she's getting so big i swear. she weights 9lbs and 8 oz and shes 21.93 inches long. lol. little butter ball she is. um after we left there, we came back to the house for a few minutes. then off to the laundry met for Erica's ass. smh, me and Amanda rode down to social services so Amanda could get forms for Brianna's stuff. picked Erica up then brought her back home, after we got back we set for a few hours then we left again at 4 to take Patrick lunch. then we me and Amanda went to burger king and i tried to rape the nigga in the drive threw he is so damn fine. ol boy was at least 5'10. darkish brown. hazel eyes. chubby. nice shape up. and alll boyyy you best believe i would hump the shit outta him. pull em out the window and do it in the vehicle right then and there. lmao. i need to stop it. um i think I'm chill for the rest of the day, my sister and mother and nephew is here, i swear i can't stand them at times, they start to act ignorant i swear. i feel like crap. I'm eat me some tums and be happy. =] lol. um damn its late, i had ended up going to the store after my mom and them left i am so tired i am tired of running i see why my sister is too. smh. the baby has been so upset today, shes finally calmed down tho, shes laying with my sister right now, hopefully she will sleep. every one is sleeping i think i might too, i don't really want too tho, but eh fuck i went to bed about 6am and woke up at 9. and it be nice to nap lol. um i don't know what I'm do for the rest of the night. eh i need to learn to push myself away from people easier, so feelings don't get caught up. =/ fuck me. lol wow I'm going threw all my old phone records from back in like Sept 2007 to now, and damn how numbers have changed i don't even remember half these numbers only numbers i remember is Jonathon, N'dya, Dee, De'Angelo, Tavian <3 i spent like 400 minutes on the phone with him one night back in Oct 2007 lmaoooo. Shit the first night we spoke on Oct 21st we spent 150 minutes on it. lmao. he was really great talking too =/ i wonder how long he is getting in jail. =/ i miss the good old days. but eh enough about my phone records I'm tired of looking and not knowing who the hell it is lmaoo. me and Jaime are talking now, i love her. <3 she's great. we are talking a bout names and ish and music and ish you know the normal things, oh and love. lmao. I'm glad Brianna finally went to sleep. lol. its 12. i been writing this damn thing on and off since like 6 lmao. smh I'm done rambling, half this shit don't even fucking make sense i don't know what i was even talking about.

ily. Kaaliyah Jaimelyn Nya Nesdahl-Cartier

PS. she's going to be pissed i put the whole thing out <3 lmaoo.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

peace

224.

2009-02-27T04:38:00.000-05:00

i joined twitter today its interesting.
i feel like crap still
i fucked with layouts all day.
my eyes and back hurts.
i argued with Jonathon. normal.
flirted with a few others.
fucked with B.
got my ass beat in pool by B.
fucked up and fixed my myspace a little.
tired as fuck.
fuck you.
good night.

ily jaime. <3

223.

2009-02-26T00:12:00.000-05:00

I deleted my secrete blog =/ sucks.
I don't got a reason for it now.
But eh, its cool....

Um I don't got shit to say..

Erica's a sissy. who won't sleep alone.

Amanda's alone with the baby.

B. is a punk.
and I'm beat his ass.

ILY Jaime.

222.

2009-02-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

wow so yea. today, I'm still sick as hell. I'm really tired of throwing up maybe i got food poisoning or something? i have no idea wtf it is. but yea I'm still sick, if it be the medicine i took or something else its bull shit. today was a gay day tho. padded room dropped of course <3 Joey is that dude. so anyways i made them all chicken salad i ain't even eat it, and i ended up throwing up afterward. some BULLSHIT! fuck food, I'm trying to drink a mountain dew, sickening. ewww lol =/ I'm done with that, now I'm just try to drink water and hold it down. =/ I'm mad at some one because they are acting ignorant about some things. so yea, taking care of this baby is rough, she needs a lot of attention at all times. smh she's screaming, Brandon won't STFU. lol padded room is amazing BTW. If you didn't order it than WTF are you thinking. =] i want the actual disk tho, and i don't have that. =/ but anyways, I'm dumb tired and I'm dumb sick and today's been long as fuck and I'm kick it and be sick for the rest of the night, I'm also aggravated. =/

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
&
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

221.

2009-02-23T23:36:00.000-05:00

okay so new layout, new first 4 or so songs, and new post.

i am sick as fuck, and i have been all morning its some fucking bull shit. i went to bed last night a little after 2 because i had the baby and then my sister fed her then she fell asleep. i woke up at 6 and threw my brains upppppppp i swear, then 8 o'clock roll around and i do it again, smh thennn mayne 11 rolls around and i'm throwing up again, like this is some bull shit, so i call my doctor and i'm like WTF is this new medicine making me sick, they say no, but i still think so. smh 2 o'clock rolls around we're suppose to go pick up erica, so guess what i have to do, throw the fuck up again, smh this is some straight bull shit. so we go get Erica, and go to k-mart for her, then i go up to the dollar store to get something for my grandma.. there was this fineee ass nigga in there, i would raped his asss. lmaoo. so i talk to him for a minute, smh i should got his damn number, and the worst part is he talks to me and i'm looking a damn mess. lmaooo pj bottoms, hoody, and hair up looking sick as fuck. i mean i was anyways throwing my damn stomach and brains and shit up smh a damn mess. yooooo but i aint get his number soo eh fuck it. um. so then we go home, and i throw the fuck up again yo. smh i can't stand this shit. then..... mayne i try to eat something and it just don't work. so fuck it i can't even drink anything ughh lol and i'm dumb tired yooo. i think i might go to bed after i post this shit, fuck it. i hope every one has a good night.

Some of the greater things in life are unseen that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream...

peace.

220.

2009-02-23T01:15:00.000-05:00

hm blog de blog blog blog lol. =]
yesterday was hectic got some jewelry
stayed the night at my brothers.
watched ufc fights.
came home this after noon
traded phones back with Erica.
came to my grandmother for a few days.
text b. constantly over the past days.
i adore him. <3 he's my crush. shh.
don't tell him, he doesn't know.
i'm dumb tired and its only 1:04.
derrick said its awkward for us to talk.
sorry he feel's that way. i'm fine with it.
jaime is my wife still and she's amazing.
we work perfectly together. she fills me in on everything.
i wanna see my step kids. Bella, X, and Mia.
padded room drops tomorrow, i'm excited
my blog and my songs change too. so be prepared.
i love Joe Budden.
his girl got the fattest ass i've ever seen.
my sisters dog Bella is driving me crazy
the baby is starting to get fussy in her sleep lol.
i want something important to watch on tv.
i think b. feel asleep. he was tired.
i'm bored, and tired myself.
i'm suppose to be laying with him. <3
um i'm be at my grand mothers the next few days.
so text and call my cell all you want PLEASE! =] lmao.

i stole Jaime's idea. =] <3

The game is my life. It demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace.

peace.

219.

2009-02-21T00:01:00.001-05:00

sooo what did you do today? i chilled, then went with my brother, went to auto zone, then to my sister in laws job, pr&partners its a hair salon, so while i was there i got 8 inches cut off my hair, then we went to dinner at outback. crazy huh, my hair is gone, 8 INCHES son, it was at my ass now its to my shoulders. lmao crazy shitt, but eh i felt the need to be spontaneous. so i did it and cut it all off, i haven't had it cut in like a year anyways, I'm get it high lighted soon, she said she wants to try this new highlight shit on me, so i said fuck it go ahead, lets see what we could do. lol but yea I'm happy with it, i can still put it in a little pony tail lmaoo, its so fucking short, i think its cute as fuck tho, i don't know if any one else likes it, but i do so fuck it. um. i think that's all tho. I'm kick it for the rest the night tomorrow is going to be a long day. =]

218.

2009-02-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

whew today was a long day got up and got ready at 8:00. left at 10:20 went and got my sister and them, went to my doctors appointment at 11:30 got out of there about 1:00 that bitch take hours just to give me some new pills. like what the fuck. she bitched for a while i laughed it up, payed the bitch and left. i gotta go back and see her ass May 28th. smh blood work and check up. um. went to get my pills but i forgot my ID. i always forget that thing, matter fact i don't even know where that bitch is. i think it's in my go bag, from where i had went out not to long ago. so i got back with my sister and them about 2:00 switched phones with Erica, yes i still got my number, so don't be scared to text me, if it will let ya ass through smh. that fucker has issues, my phone just as bad tho. but I'm feeling Erica's, its the touch screen vuu by at&t. eh dipped from there, i left my damn glasses tho, smh they the only shades that fit right, the rest just silly. eh but I've been home kicking it since, listen to this mix tape/album a few times to see how I'm feeling it. for the most part i like it some songs i ain't feeling but the rest i dig.

on another note, me and derrick talked last night, that's probably one the last actual conversation's we're going to have since what all was said, i apologized, i felt it was the right thing to do at the time, and right now i still felt it was the good thing to do, but not exactly the right thing, because it's not my fault what went on but it is what it is and it's done, he's probably going to move to Kentucky now, but i think it might be better for him in the end. maybe better for me too.

oh so yea NBA has been on my tv most of the night from TNT i watched this pistons game, i aint been in the NBA this season like i was in it last season, I'm more into the players then into the teams, i mean i love the Celtics tho, but my love is Iverson, and he cut his hair off i seen that shit tonight i was like omg what the fuck nigga are you serious, how you cut ya braids off you've always had them and the always been tight, but i guess the nigga getting older so he got to cut his shit and all lol. i kid. um i am still pissed he went to the pistons tho because i loved him with the nuggets, but eh what ever, i hate the pistons but i love Iverson so it is what it is, they lost tonight BTW. the Celtics playing now they winning, they probably will so it don't matter this jazz player is cute tho I'd like to get my hands on him. aha. yum <3 tall attractive guys. lol. i can't help my self but a nigga that's like 6'5 and up I'd love to get a hold of em. tall guys rock my world. lol. i got a thing for a shorter dude tho so its alright tho. =] hm yea I'm finish this game up and go to bed. its half time type shit now. ya dig. i still wish it was NFL season tho, i'm more into that than NBA, eh oh well. i love my sports I'm go on with watching them oh yea and MLB fuck a-rod.lol.=]

This is the punishment of a liar: he is not believed, even when he speaks the truth.

peace

217.

2009-02-18T23:51:00.000-05:00

dear diary, how i hate dial up. =] lmao. anyways um supposedly from what a little birdy told me this important mix tape/album dropped. who's you may ask, I'm not telling ahahah =] um i don't really have anything to say nothing happened today and it sucks, i did watch American Idol, my dude Danny did get threw so fuck the rest lol, its cool tho. um me and derrick aren't really talking, because of me, because I'm sore and what not and i go to bed early. but supposedly he's thinking about moving, i don't want to be the one to hold him back from doing what he want's so i hope he does it. hm anyways i go to the doctor tomorrow morning, so we will see what that crazy bitch says, blood work and bitching. =] great. lol. plus med's ugh lol. but i did butter cups layout, i hope he likes it. -shrugs. Keri Hilson. shes a doll but yea. um I'll put the link to the image in here so you can see, i don't know when I'm put it up tho because i have no idea where Chris is. lol. eh i don't know what else to say, oh yea N'dya and Becky did my blog code for my new layout I'm put up later on some time, eh but that's about all i guess, that and I'm looking for ring tones, yea the end tho i ain't got shit else to say.
buttercups image.

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.

peace

216.

2009-02-18T01:36:00.000-05:00

Monday - eh long day up early bed late, who cares about everything in between right?. well it was a good day tho, chilled with the family. the night was better tho.

Tuesday - today, eh i slept in today like i don't know what. but i was wore out after last night. lol um. my sister in law came over today and we went through all my dresses and gowns to figure out what i was going to wear to her tea party, smh i tried on 6 gowns, and 8 dresses, we narrowed it down to 3, 2 are short and one is long. smh i think I'm wear the gown instead of the two short dresses. because the one i def have to wear leggings with because if i don't my ass def hangs out lmao.

As you can see i switched my blog up a little bit, i was sick of it, and soon it will be changing again with in the next week. this is just temp. but the reason why I'm change it is because padded room drops. that will be my feature =] lol. eh but that's about it. matter of fact I'm work on that in a little bit, and i still have to do butter cups layout. so yea enjoy.

Desire is a powerful force that can be used to make things happen.

peace.

215.

2009-02-16T00:48:00.001-05:00

Friday - another day, a bunch of bull shit, eh Friday the 13th. eh. nothing happened special bull shit and TV, you dig. um i talked to b. yea that's about all that's important, that and me and Jaime marriage is still going strong lol. =]

Saturday - valentines day, aha get the fuck outta here i don't celebrate that shit, and i haven't in years i did get a thing of Hershey Hugs. no bitch not kisses the white chocolate hugs. visited the family, um talked to b. yea that's about it. oh yea and i got my new bed and finished up some touches in my room, I'm mad as fuck i can't paint it tho. lol. i shall show you my bed, but eh that's about it.

Sunday - long day, family came over, mom fixed dinner for every one, seen Logan for the first time, he is the cutest little baby, Amanda had Brianna over too, she's so fussy lol. but eh kicked it with the family and that's about it.

i don't really feel like blogging ain't shit to say oh yea and my dudes mix tape is fire, I'm mad as fuck he ain't send me them two other songs, but eh its cool, the ones on the mix tape are nice, lmao i don't know how the fuck little Brandon's ass got a deep voice the way he do. nigga 17 sounded like he 25 and shit lmao. he's my nigga tho. I'll leave the download link again for people who don't have it. you should really get this shit, its really that crack =] but eh that's all i don't feel like blogging anymore...

Beast The Skitzo - 32 Bars BEAST.

what you want, isn't what you need, and what you need isn't what you want.

peace

214.

2009-02-13T02:01:00.000-05:00

today boy was a long ass fucking day man. i was going to get up at 5:00 but i decided to sleep in tell 7:00. i got up and got ready to go we [mom&me] left here at 8:15. we dropped her prescription off at Walgreen, then went and got gas. we met up with my brother and sister in law to get breakfast at 9:00. we left from there about 10:00 my brother and sister in law where going to the hospitals for things they had to do, and me and mom proceed to go on with our day. we went to walmart left from there about uh i say 11:00ish B text me while i was there, =] he asked me where i was because he ain't give me permission to go anywhere how cute =] i like his controlling side. then stopped at jiffy lube to get our oil changed on the car and the filter. sexy ass dudes work there i think there was about 3 fine ass guys. =] lol. we then went to fashion bug it was about 12:00, them crazy ladies where trying to get me to sign up for a credit card, they know damn well that isn't a good idea lol. we then went to sears, we was in there tell about 1:30. um after we left there we went to get my moms prescription from Walgreen, left there about 2:30. stopped by bloom to get some drinks. then got home about 3:00, watched her soap. then i went and laid down about 6:30 to 8:00. got up and did something's. watched the 40th NAACP Image Awards. if your black and you didn't watch them, smh. what ever. um text B. =] cutie he is. um now I'm on this piece of shit not being able to sit still because of my damn hips. omg you should heard it pop outta place a min ago ewwwww lmaooo. it was like CLACK.well something like that lol it was gross tho. anyways my nigga Jonathon aka Beast The Skitzo dropped a new mix tape =] i will leave the link. at the end of my blog, i was going to put album art with it, but his ass ain't have one to go with it. so yea. um anyways i think i might text B. then get ready to lay down in a few, because I'm talking to N'dya oh and Jayme, were talking about that shit with Chris and Rhianna smh crazy shit. grrr i have to work on Butter Cup's layout, and plus do mine. oh damn. =] lol I'm talk to some people then go to bed.

oh yea before i leave download my dudes mix tape. =]

Beast The Skitzo - 32 Bars BEAST.

peace.

213.

2009-02-11T23:36:00.000-05:00

eh okay lets see where to start this shit, um, my hips hurt still. smh i think they been bothering me for about two weeks or so. eh but on worth.

Tuesday was another suck ass day me and derrick did work out our issue from the night before and things are going to either 1. get better or 2. end all together. we will see. um what else happened Tuesday.... i know the family was over. but that's about it. oh yea and i watched some TV. eh that's all i guess? -shrugs.

Wednesday- today- god i hate getting up at 7 in the morning to deal with kids, this is one reason i don't want children especially if they act the way the kids i deal with act then i really don't want children i think I'd beat them. for real for real lol. but eh after they got off to school and i did something around the house i laid back down tell 12:00. i got up and got ready and all for the day, and did some more stuff around the house. then when mom got here we went out to do something. then when we got back we watched her soaps. then when the kids got in we went for a walk. eh then chilled for the rest of the day.

now enough about me, lets talk about some shit i seen on TV and thought was absolutely hilarious. so i guess there's this new thing called sexting (sex texting) eh um i guess that's interesting. but i seen it on the news and it said if people are caught talking with minors exchanging photos and what not by via cell phone you can get charged for child pornography and if you send it to others its disturbing child porn. lmaoooo i am sorry but i find this shit so funny, but they said you will be registered as a child molester. like wow. this shit is fucking serious? well apparently the DC, Virginia, Maryland area thinks so, at least that's what fox 5 said at 10 o'clock news lol. so you little freaks out in the world stop TEXT SEXING PEOPLE!!!! lmaooo. a wild mess. but for real, if you get caught you could get charged. =] so chill. shit is getting serious. lol.

oh yea another thing, this Chris Brown and Rhianna shit is really really over rated. i mean if he hit the bitch he hit the bitch, she had to do some stupid shit for him to have hit her, especially if its true that she gave him herpes. i would beat the fuck outta that chick if she gave me herpes too, i mean look that little nigga is like what 19, 20? his life is over now if she gave him that shit, plus you know them island bitches is fucking psycho anyways plus i heard she beats on him because she has jealousy issues and treats him like a fucking kid, so maybe he hit her to set her ass straight, but it had got a little out of hand. smh they say they going to band his shit from the radio and cancel all his inducements for company's like the double mint gum, what the fuck does him hitting her have to do with his personal shit. this shit is getting out of hand i think they should just go to court explain what ACTUALLY happen and move the fuck on ya dig. smh.

yea and that Beyonce song, that diva shit, get the fuck outta here. a diva is not a fucking hustler a hustler is a hustler a diva is a high class dumb bitch.

oh yea btw, me and jaime's marriage is going wonderful. =]
that's my wifey. lol.

but on note, I'm done bitch.

peace.